The last few weeks worth of conversations in HOPE have been not only interesting but quite thought provoking. We talked about those old-time feelings that return from time to time on our journey of lifestyle change. When we begin to feel unworthy, victimized, helpless, and resentful again, we can know we have slipped back into codependency, a condition also known as soul-sickness. Sandy calls it "notgoodenoughitis"! I love that. The good news is that it doesn't mean we are back to square one on lifestyle change. It simply means we need to use the tools we have learned to help us out of the dark, muddy, pit of codependency. KT shared a story when one of her children was stuck in a deep mud pit. Her husband grabbed their son and pulled him so hard to get him out, that he pulled the child right out of his tennis shoes which both remained buried deep in the mud. What behaviors do you need to leave buried in the pit of codependency as you pull yourself out? The tool for this week: How do you get out of the deep dark pit of codependency? How did you get there? How can you miss the pit next time?
Two weeks ago we talked about using others to create our happiness or stop our pain. Many of us have waited for someone else to make us happy or waited so long for someone to stop the pain we were in. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. That beautifully wrapped gift of well-being is one that I give myself. I am totally responsible for it! While it is true that if someone steps on my foot they are hurting me and therefore holds the power to stop the pain by getting of my foot, it is totally my pain and my responsibility to tell the person to get off my foot! The tool for this week: Draw a gift with a tag that says To: (your name) and From: (your name). Now name the gift that you would like to give yourself. We had some awesome answers to this one in group. Oh what freedom comes when we realize that we are responsible for our own well-being!
Last week the nugget was titled "Perfection". That word makes most of us squirm because either we are striving to achieve it or because we feel so far from it. Striving for perfection leaves us in that "all or nothing" wasteland, and feeling far from perfection leaves us shaming ourselves for not being good enough. It can also become an excuse to do nothing. Perfection is impossible unless we reframe that word and think of it in a new way. Perfection is accepting and loving who we are and accepting where we are today. Nothing good comes from perfectionist behaviors and everything good comes from accepting and loving who I am. Then and only then can I change where I am and have lasting lifestyle change. The tool last week: name a perfectionist behavior that you indulge in on your journey of lifestyle change. Define indulge.
This week we will chew on taking risks, and even being willing to fail, which is the very thing that will lead us out of perfectionism. Should be interesting. Hope to see you on Tuesday or Thursday this week!