HOPE

2010-12-13T16:18:00.004-05:00

OK, so I fell out of the habit of blogging every week, and the next thing you know it's been a month! I'm back! First, I would like to invite all H.O.P.E. participants who can stay after group tomorrow and join us for lunch, please plan to do so. We will not meet again until next year!

I would like to spend this time expressing my gratitude for the H.O.P.E. program participants who so courageously and openly share themselves, week after week, accomplishing the work of lifestyle change. I am so proud of each and every one of you, and commend you for your honesty, committment, perseverence and love and respect for each other. I learn from you every week. You inspire me to keep putting one foot in front of the other when I am struggling. You come to group not only to receive, but to give all that you have. Yourselves. Thank you. You ARE the H.O.P.E. program and all that it entails. You are the best, the brightest, the hardest working, the most beautiful and the joy of my heart.

To the smartest people I know, may the joy of Jesus, the Christ, invade your hearts this season, and may you experience personally, a life changing relationship with the One who would come as a little baby on a cold morning in a country far away to bring HOPE to a dark world. God bless you all and Merry Christmas.

Foundation up!

2010-11-03T18:40:00.001-04:00

I learned the hard way a long time ago that the foundation of anything is a pretty important part of it. I was probably 12 years old and I had been to a week long day camp and just adored one of the counselors who had been very kind to me when some of the kids were mean about my weight. She truly made such a difference in my life with her kindness and the daily encouraging words she offered to me. So at the end of the week, it was decided that we would get together the following weekend and have a little farewell party.   I decided that I would build her a very special wishing well made out of popsicle sticks. I worked all week on that thing and truly, it was the coolest thing ever. It even had a little bucket you could lower down into the well as if to get water. I just loved that thing, however, upon my first good look at it, I found it to be as crooked as my dog's back leg. The only way to remedy my crooked little popsicle wishing well was to remove the pieces all the way back to where the crookedness began. And yep. . . it was all the way back at the foundation of the piece. Aarrgggggg!!

Boy is that an important foundational truth in life. If you build a house on a crooked foundation, the house will lean to the right or left causing a multitude of problems. Likewise, if you build your thought life on top of an untrue body of beliefs, then your behavior will be crooked (or unhealthy).  For that reason, it is incredibly important that we make sure our foundation is healthy.

*NOTE: Be prepared for the lamest segway ever. . .

Speaking of healthy foundations, what's more foundational than our feet? With the arrival of Fall and this awesome cool weather, it's a perfect time to get out and walk. Our H.O.P.E. participants, and especially our friends who have not come in awhile, are all invited to:

"H.O.P.E. Day" at Omega Sports with Adison Edwards presenting "How fun are my feet?"
November 9th any time between 11am - 2pm. located in the Park Road Shopping Center
4271-B Park Road
Charlotte, NC, 28209
704-521-8504

We will also be educated with gait analysis and evaluations and the best part . . . . each of us will get a nice discount on whatever we purchase from the store! An added bonus for those who choose not to purchase anything on that day, a certificate will be given with the name, size, color and style of the shoes so that it may be purchased as a Christmas present by a loved one! Discount included!!

We already have about 10 coming. It will be a great opportunity to connect and reconnect with each other while learning about the importance of treating our feet kindly.   See you in group Tuesday!

Attic Sale

2010-10-01T18:28:00.000-04:00

I decided a few months back that I was going to clean out my house and have an attic sale. In fact, my new mantra for the past several months has been "I've decided I'm living light!" I have been cleaning out closets and going through drawers and pulling stuff out of the storage room. More stuff piled on top of more stuff. My home literally feels 300 pounds lighter. I can breathe in it again. I can move in it again. Most of all, I can live in it again. Why didn't I do this years ago?

The more I dig through the layers of my life, the more I realize that I keep much of the same junk stored up inside of me. Years of untruthful messages on top of years of shame piled on the years of doubt, fear and insecurities. Just as my house felt so heavy and weighted down with junk, so my life feels the same. I believe my weight represents the layers of all this stuff I hold on to. I have decided to have an internal attic sale. It is time for me to begin to take out one layer at a time and toss it if it is not truthful, helpful or promoting health and wellness in my life. I am ready to clean out the internal layers that keep me so weighted down.

I challenge you to look in the closets and drawers and storage rooms of your own life and see if there is some stuff that can be tossed. What a difference it can make and there's one thing I am sure of today. . . . I don't want it weighing me down any more!

Have a great week end!

Doing things different . . . . or differently

2010-09-02T18:04:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, I have been given the gift of Neuropathy in both legs and feet. Acupuncture has been incredibly helpful for the severe burning pain, unfortunately insurance does not cover it, so I use it very sparingly due to my budget. I was researching some things that the Neurologist and Pain Specialist both suggested that would help slow down the advancement of this disease. One is to take lots of Thiamine and the other is to give up on the idea I can do the kind of walking I did before. Walking accelerates more nerve damage in my feet and legs. Also, with the numbness, I tend to trip and fall more than usual. So I was whining to my friend and officemate Sabrina, about having a hard time letting go of walking. I continued griping about how much I really wanted to walk 6 miles again or even do another marathon at some point.  I was ready for a big pity party and ready for Sabrina to pet me and tell me how sorry she was about my plight. NOT!

She said a few things that just hit me right between the eyes. So matter of factly she said to me "Well I've never known anyone who could figure this out better than you can. It's a great chance for you to do it different. . . . or differently! How cool is that! Maybe bike riding will be your new thing." Uhmm, thanks Brina, I think. She was absolutely right. I do have an opportunity to try something new, and get better and better at it. She was also right, that everything I needed was already in me, given to me by my Creator. I could figure it out. I could find some new thing to do for fitness. When I step out, God will provide exactly what I need.  He always does. Of course I knew all of this, but in my moments of not accepting what has been allowed in my life, I just forgot it for a minute. In my moments of fighting reality, I was temporarily blinded by all that I could not do. I had forgotten a monumental truth. . . . obstacles are just challenges, not prisons!

So it is with lifestyle change.  Floundering in my denial of reality will simply not move me into a healthier place. Resisting what has been allowed into my space will not make it go away. And finally, wallowing with shame blinds me from health and possibility in my life. When we choose to step out, to walk in something different and new, to think differently, to behave differently, to learn differently and to experience feelings differently, we can know with full confidence, that God will provide exactly what we need, right when we need it. What an encouraging truth!

Have a wonderful Labor Day week end and I'll see you all Tuesday.

Who defines me?

2010-08-12T13:13:00.003-04:00

One of the greatest "a-ha" moments I have ever had was the fact that I am the one who gets to define me. I am the one who gets to define my truth! I get to decide what I think beauty is and I get to determine what I think makes me successful. I also get to decide whether I keep listening to what others say I am, or what the media says is beautiful or what society claims to be success. Oh my gosh!! What doors that truth opened for me! It allowed me to stop listening to the voices of others who don't know me, the voices of those who may not be safe or care about my welfare and especially stop listening to the voices (racket) in my own head about my constant and utter deficiencies in every area. Finally, I get to choose what defines me WITHOUT shame to smear the truth.

For me, beauty is found in strength of charater. For me, success is found in the ability to keep going, to persevere when the going is tough beyond measure. For me, one truth I learned and live by now is that shame smears and rots everything it touches. Conviction is healthy. That's what lets us know we owe an apology or need to right a wrong we have done. Shame is unhealthy, it crushes everything it touches. It never promotes life and it is NOT truth. Anything we can do to challenge it is worth doing. I personally have decided that my truth is based on what the Living God says to me through His Word, and that is a woman without condemnation, growing in truth and light and love. I am now willing to fight desparately to weed out what is not truth and I get to choose that, nobody else, yippee!. If I don't weed it out, then my behavior will reflect what I am allowing to define me and more importantly, who I am allowing to define me.

Have you thought lately about what defines you? Have you given consideration to who defines your truth? What voices are motivating your behaviors? Here's your hint for the week . . .you have to be looking inward, not outward, to begin the defining process. Second hint for the week . . .you get to choose what backdrop of Truth you will believe!

And please remember this - nobody can define you, better than YOU can!

Slow and Easy

2010-08-06T14:22:00.003-04:00

My sister and I were chatting it up on the cell phones when I began bemoaning the fact that I had gained over 40 pounds after our brother's death and I seemed to be stuck and not able to get it off again as easy as I had hoped. She began telling me about a book she was reading. It was about change, and why so many people simply cannot change the long ingrained habits that they have in their life. Of course my ears perked up when I hear something like that! Sounds like H.O.P.E. stuff to me. She read a sentence out of the book that she said reminded her of what my journey to loose over 200 pounds looked like from her perspective. She also went on to say that you need to remember that this is what served you so well before, and this is what can serve you well again.

"You have to begin to believe, really believe, the power of small change to make a big difference in your life. Small change, one at a time, slow and steady, gentle and easy make change a constant in your life. You are not redefining yourselves, you are refining yourselves, slow and easy"

What can I say, she right!! Slow and easy, one change at a time. I DO remember that from before. Funny how we have to be reminded every now and again of things we already know. Have a great weekend!

Back in action . . .

2010-07-20T14:15:00.000-04:00

First let me say thank you! Thank you to all of you who sent emails to see where the heck I had disappeared! I apologize for my extended absense without explanation, but several things occurred at the same time. Travel, health challenges that are now resolved and family stuff that took my full priority for several weeks. I truly appreciate the fact that I was missed in action. . .but I am back now and hope to stay in action for the rest of the summer and the rest of the year for that matter!

I was recently cleaning out some files in my desk at work and found a two page document of nothing but quotes from participants who had attended H.O.P.E. in 2009. The wealth of knowledge and insights were just incredible. Now I have hard proof that ya'll are the smartest people I know!! I wanted to share just a few of these quotes I found and ask you to select the one that really resonates with you right now on your journey of lifestyle change. Would you please share a few sentences on how someone else's insight rings true for you on your journey?

* I can't know the truth until I call the lie out.

* It's hard to choose to see myself differently.

* I can be afraid and safe at the same time. I can be safe, and still feel afraid.

* It's like Whack-a-Mole trying to stop all the negative thoughts.

* I'm like a chameleon, changing to match whoever I'm with.

There is such a wealth of information all around us in the H.O.P.E. group ladies and you are what makes it rich! Have a great week and I'll see you soon!

It's all in your point of view

2010-06-11T19:14:00.001-04:00

I was all prepared to blog about balance until I walked in to the Y and had a funny experience. I was walking past the access desk where people scan their cards to get in here when the line was held up by this man. He had three kids with him and one little girl was peeking over the counter at me and said rather loudly, "I'm six and a half", and I was focused on something else and didn't answer her quick enough. She said it louder at me the second time, "I'm six and a half" so I quickly answered her, "Is that right, six and a half? When will you be seven?" and she answered a little aggrevated at my limited knowledge "On my seventh birthday!" Duh. Well alrighty then. So I shared this story with a fellow Y employee and she told me that her daughter, who is six, begged for a puppy and her Daddy said no, not until you are seven. She said how about six and a half and her Daddy said no again.   She said how about 6 and 3 quarters and her Dad finally conceded and said "OK Heidi, when you're six and three quarters, you can have a puppy." She ran upstairs and in a few minutes came shrieking down the stairs just screaming. "Daddy, Daddy, I'm six and three quarters" she shouted just as serious as she could be with her little hand stretched out with three silver quarters in it. It's all in your point of view!

While these are really cute stories about kids, it's the same with we adults. We all have a point of view. In fact, I looked up the definition of "point of view" and found it quite interesting. American Heritage Dictionary states the following:

   1. The place from which, or way in which, something is viewed or considered;

   2. a mental attitude, belief or opinion

Heidi had always heard age referenced with three quarters. She had no idea that it meant length of time, not currency. One of the things that is most important on this journey of lifestyle change is to be able to identify your viewpoint. Most folks had no idea they were eating out of an emotional place or that their behavior was motivated by shame. Again, point of view! According to the definition above, changing your point of view would be changing your belief. I had a pretty warped point of view when I first embarked on this journey and as I began to be able to identify the "racket" or warped viewpoints and I began to see a different and much healthier point of view emerging. The truth is what illuminates the distortion. Once I could see truth, it was much easier to see non-truth!

Have a great weekend ladies!

Vacation Mania!

2010-06-03T18:56:00.004-04:00

First, let me take a minute to thank KT for leading group on Tuesday. I've heard nothing but praises from group members about KT's ability as a facilitator and it just continues to prove my point. . .you ARE the smartest people I know!! Thank you KT for pinch hitting while I enjoyed Memorial Day with my family in Virginia, and thank you group for doing what you do best! Also, this Tuesday will be the first day for the new therapist named Amy Barrett. Please come and let her also see what you do best, which is connecting with yourself and sharing your own story!

Vacations can be one of the most challenging times for me on this journey of lifestyle change! It seems that every time I cross the Mecklenburg County line, something happens to me internally. What is that?? What is it that really happens inside that makes me feel like I have a license to eat whatever I want and however much of it I can pack in?! I have spent more time than I want to admit pondering this phenomenon. The one thing I know to be true, is that I am not alone in this. Here are the questions I have pondered in great depth, and I would like to ask if you would be willing to chew on this with me by answering the following questions. (Pardoning the pun!)

         *Is it a barrier to lifestyle change or is it a reprieve from lifestyle change?

          *Why do I feel this way so strongly?

          *Could it possibly be coming from a healthy place or is that wishful thinking?

          *Can I eat whatever I like while on vacation and still maintain my journey of lifestyle change?

With summer upon us, it is time for some honest reflection. Have a great weekend!

Signs

2010-05-26T19:19:00.000-04:00

We have all been just sickened by the BP oil explosion, the loss of life and continued gushing of oil into the ocean. The more the events unfold and information becomes available, the more we just shake our heads in disbelief. There were warning signs before the explosion! Several of them, we are finding out now. Why didn't anyone listen to them?? Policies and procedures in place to prevent this from occurring. What happened?? Greed, gluttony, excess, dollar signs. And it seems like the only thing that is motivating their behavior to find a way to stop the gushing oil are all the negative consequences. Negative consequences?? That's the understatement of the century. We will not fully understand the impact of this disaster until years, even decades from now. The impact will be felt by the families of those who died, the people who make their living on the ocean, the birds and mammals, the economy, the ocean, the marine life, the beaches, the food we eat and it goes on and on. Their deepest concern seems to be the financial consequences. Boy does that seem to motivate change!

While BP did not deliberately cause this disaster, they did ignore several signs that were bearing witness to the destruction to come. Taking action when these signs first came to light might have averted this tragedy. Also, had they followed ALL policies and procedures, it may have chnged the course of events.

All of this sounds very familiar to me. . .uhm . . .about me! I continued to eat, and eat and eat until I was over 400 pounds. I induldged in excess and wanted more and more and could not satisfy my emotional hunger. I ignored all the warning signs that my body was sending. It took a full on health crisis for me to stop and think about what I was doing. And the consequences for me were great. Surgeries, medications, financial devastation and the list goes on. I also may not know the extent of damage my prior lifestyle cost me for years to come. Who knows, it may have shortened my life by years! Why didn't I listen to the warnings signs. That what the scale kept screaming at me but I choose not to even get on one for many years. High blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, high cholestorol. . .all warning signs that we need to take action to avert a health disaster. What motivates us into action? It's different for all of us. My deepest prayer for each one of us is that we take action before the consequences get too great.

Have a great weekend ladies, and take some small action toward lifestyle change. You are worth the effort!

Shifting ground

2010-05-21T15:27:00.000-04:00

Well as most of you know by now, we are changing some things around with the H.O.P.E. Program for the summer. Our current thereapist Kimmie will no longer be with us after May 27th. Please make sure and thank Kimmie for her contribution to our program while she was with us. We will have another therapist named Amy beginning on June 8th and will be with us throught the summer. We have decided to end the Thursday evening group after May 27th for the summer and will make a decision about starting it back in the Fall. Also, as of this moment, I have decided to cancel the surgeries I was scehduled for in June and leave the option open to reschedule for a later date if I feel it's necessary. The pain in my feet from the Neuropathy is much better. In fact, I walked 3 miles yesterday and feel great today and plan on walking 3 more miles today. I did have acupunture for pain and feel like it had a profound impact on the pain I was experiencing. I am most, most grateful to the Lord for the relief!

With all these changes, it can certainly feel like walking on shifting ground. I have felt that way many times in the past several months. What I have made a decision not to do every single time I feel like I am stumbling is to shove lots of unhealthy food down my mouth. I made a decision to go back to the gym right in the middle of all this shifting . I also made a decision to start a new group exercise class. I have also talked about it with close friends. Every now and then, not nearly as often as I used to, I will make a choice to sit and eat out of an emotional place. It does not change the shifting, but at least I know that I know that now. Took a long time to get there! Thank you all for your support during this time of more transition, and for reminding me that the Anchor holds, even in the times of great movement. My Anchor is the Truth, which is the Word of God and what that tells me about me! It's a great reminder to us all that we can rely on the Truth, during the stable and unstable times, and that the racket never holds us or serves us well!

Have a great weekend!

She's back!

2010-04-30T13:49:00.000-04:00

And boy am I GLAD to be back! Now I had a wonderful time, and saw so many things I never imagined my eyes would see, but there is no place like home! And not many who love me like that big black dog of mine! Let me apologize to all of you who took the time to check the other blog set up for Israel, but we could not get it to work at all, and I even had several folks who were far more adept than I look at it to no avail. I look forward to sharing some stories and pictures with you in person instead.

Israel is a beautiful country, and for me personally to walk around where Jesus lived, was crucified and resurrected was such a spiritual highlight that is hard to articulate. The things I saw just made the Bible come alive to me. I also got baptized in the Jordan River on my birthday. That was very cool. One of the most fun things I did was ride a camel. I just wish you guys could have seen me clinging for dear life when that beast got up from a sitting position. They get up in stages so you either fall forward and lean way back, and I mean WAY forward and WAY back! The other really fun thing I did was float in the Dead Sea. As heavy as I am, I just floated right on top of the water the whole time I was in it! That was the most freaky feeling, not being able to get down into the water. Also, it feels very silky on your skin until you wash all the salt off. If you don't wash, you turn a bright white. We also went to one of the seven wonders of the world which is called Petra in Jordan. That was the most beautiful and mind boggling place I have ever seen. What a hike that was! The last day, I stood on Mt. Nebo which is also in Jordan and overlooked the promised land just as Moses saw it thousands of years ago.

It was just an amazing, once in a lifetime trip, but that's not all it was. It was also a tremendous reminder to me of the whole reason I ever wanted to loose weight and change my life in the first place. I was so tired of watching life from the sidelines and not being engaged in life whatsoever. This trip reminded me once again, that the hard work and effort I have put in allowed me to walk, hike, ride a camel, float in a salt sea and fly in an airplane without a seatbelt extension. I am actually engaging in life in every way, without allowing fear or shame or doubt or anything to stop me, and that is exactly what I wanted so bad in the beginning of my lifestyle change. I hope you are doing the same or working toward it!

Enjoy the weekend!

Satisfying my wander lust

2010-04-12T13:06:00.000-04:00

It has been an incredibly harrowing and stressful this past week and a half! In that time my mother almost, well, let's just say she became extremely sick and was in ICU for a week and a day, then has been moved to a regular room where she is as I write this. She is expected to leave the hospital tomorrow to go to Rehab for a couple of weeks. She has what the Dr. calls global weakness, the aftermath of such serious illness. The other pressing issue this past week has been whether to go on my long planned trip to Israel or to cancel it. After deciding not to go several times, we all decided as a family that I should go after my mother turned the corner on Friday. Between a very sick Mom and long hospital stays and the on and off again trip, I was just about to crack on Thursday and Friday. By Saturday the clouds moved out, the sun appeared and all is right with the world again. Mmmm Not! But after much prayer and family conversation, we have all decided, including me, that I will go tomorrow on my trip to several countries, including Israel. I have set up another blog so that my family and friends can check in on me and see pictures and hear what I've been up to. Here is that address. http://www.wheregodsfeettrod.blogspot.com/
Just go to that website anytime you like and I should be updating it every day or so with pictues and adventures.

I will miss you ladies deeply. I know you will use your time in group well until I return. God bless each and every one of you. I love you all and remember. . . You are the SMARTEST people I know!! Without any doubt!!

I wanna be an eagle

2010-04-07T12:58:00.007-04:00

As many of you know, I am in the midst of a couple of life's storms. My mother is in ICU extremely sick and I am scheduled for several neurosurgeries.  I happened to catch this show on Animal Planet a few days ago. It was about eagles and I found it just fascinating. When an eagle sees a huge, dangerous lightening storm approaching from far away, he takes to the air. He flies directly toward the storm and keeps flying until he can harldy keep even and upright, continuing toward the storm. Right when he hits the edge of the storm, the updraft grabs him and sends him sailing straight up until he reaches the top of the storm and flies over it. He is then in the beautiful sunshine, looking down on the storm, flying without any trouble at all. It was one of the coolest things to see the updraft sling him up and over the storm, where he is still quite aware of the storm below him, and must still negotiate the storm until it passes, but he is not being pummeled by the winds and rain and lightening. If the eagle did not take the updraft up and over the storm, the winds would likely injure or even kill him. When the storm passes, he begins to fly back down to the altitude and terrain he knows.

The question I have for you this week is the following:

How does this story relate to our journey of lifestyle change?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this, since all of us will experience storms in life. I want to be an eagle who rides the updraft of my faith up and above the storms of my life. And maybe that was the thought of the author of this verse;

           But those who wait upon the LORD shall renew their
               strength;
               They will mount up with wings like eagles.
               They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not
               faint.              Isaiah 40:31

New Life, New Passion

2010-03-26T13:10:00.001-04:00

Spring is in the air in a big way. The beautiful fragrant flowers and blossoming trees represent new life, coming alive after being like dead or dormant. We are getting ready to celebrate Resurrection Sunday, Easter, and the new life available to us all through Jesus who was dead, and then rose again to new life.

Boy is that a perfect word picture for our journey of lifestyle change. I lived in my house, secluded, sitting on my couch watching life happen through a TV screen. I did not participate in life whatsoever. . .intentionally. I was unengaged with people and with life and most of all, with myself. Then spring came!! Then I began to awaken, I began to get connected with myself, I began to feel, I began to live and I began to engage with others, I began to allow healing, I began to live!!! New life, new passion for life. That is what lifestyle change has been for me. New passion for a healthy and whole life!

Are you stuck in that dormant place of lifestyle change where there are no changes, no new life, no passion? Maybe you are ready for change, and just gearing up for new life. Have you found new life and in turn found your passion? This journey of lifestyle change is filled with wonderful and challenging turns all along the way, but what it always brings is NEW LIFE! That's why it is worth the search and the hard work, because it brings NEW LIFE. And not just new life, but beautiful, fragrant, blossoming new life! That's the best news of all ladies!

Enjoy your weekend.

Which comes first. . .

2010-03-18T16:02:00.001-04:00

The chicken or the egg? I have heard this conversation end up going in complete circles. It reminds me of the great conversation we had in group on Tuesday but we didn't have a lot of time to really flush it all out. I asked the following question.

"Can you have compassion on yourself now, and not have compassion on yourself then?"

I got two immediate answers. "Yes!" and "No!" There are two words that I think are important to define as we begin to tackle this question. The first one is "compassion" and the second word is "then".

What does 'compassion' mean to you? What does it mean in terms of how you treat yourself. . . behaviorally? Just what exactly does compassion look like, and again I mean as far as your behavior towards yourself? What would compassion say to you on your journey of lifestyle change now?

What does 'then' mean to you? Does then refer to yesterday and your unhealthy eating behaviors? Could then refer to your childhood and the coping mechanisms you learned as a child and have carried into your adulthood? What does the behavior of compassion look like on yourself then?

I think it is an interesting question to consider, ponder and to chew on. What you believe about this question WILL impact your journey of lifestyle change, either in a healthy way . . . or in an unhealthy way. Please, continue the conversation ladies. Afterall, you ARE the smartest people I know!

I would like to end on a note of gratitude. I could not be more grateful for the wonderful therapist that God has provided for our group. Kimmie is already fitting in so well and has some insightful things to say that will continue to encourage and challenge us. Thank you Kimmie for agreeing to use your gifts and talents in the midst of our H.O.P.E. Program.

OK, So I Did What I Didn't Want To Do. . .Now What?. .

2010-03-12T19:17:00.005-05:00

I'd like to thank all of you for your cards, phone calls and well wishes! As many of you know, the procedure did not go as expected. It was WORSE than expected! And on top of that, it was not effective. The Dr. could not get the stimulator in the right position in order for me to determine if I could get any pain relief. Instead of my feet buzzing like the stimulator was supposed to do, my ribs and waist line were buzzing. The next step is to go to the Neurosurgeon and he will knock me out (Hallelujah!!) and go in and get rid of the adhesions that blocked the Dr. the first time around. That will be most likely some time in April or May at the latest. I'll keep you all posted, but in the meantime, I am healing up and feel much better Thank you all for your encouragement and support!.

I got a phone call from an old friend, who has lost a considerable amount of weight. She wants to begin the hard work of peeling back the layers in order to relearn some messages that have not served her well in her life! She said something that really stuck out to me. She said "I am ready to open myself up and expose my vulnerabilities in order to search for the answers."

Now that is a comment from someone who is serious about lifestyle change. Willingness. That is the word of the day, no, let's make that the word of the entire journey!! Willingness. I am fully convinced that when I am willing, . . . willing to ask the hard questions, willing to look at myself, willing to get connected again and to feel, and willing to define my own truth, an open and authentic life will follow!

Are you willing this week? Have a wonderful weekend ladies!

Doing What I Don't Want To Do!!

2010-03-05T18:50:00.001-05:00

As many of you know I am having surgery on Monday to put in a trial spinal cord stimulator to block the pain caused by Neuropathy in both legs. The thought of being able to smother the blow torches that reside in my legs and feet with substantial pain relief sounds like pure heaven to me! Walking to the bathroom in the morning without waddling like a duck would also be a pretty cool perk. Another incredibly appealing thing about the upcoming pain relief is that I can finally get back to some beautiful, long walks with my dog. Did I say long?? I can also finally begin training for another half marathon which I have been unable to do for quite some time.. One of my favorite things in the world is hiking the Boone Fork Trail outside of Blowing Rock, and I would be able to get back up on the mountain and hike my little heart out!! All of this is GREAT! Really great!!! So what's the problem you ask?

Well, the problem is, I don't WANT to go through the surgery. I have to be awake for it. No anesthesia! None, nada, zip, zero as my 9 year old nephew would say as quickly as he can get the words out! Now of course there is a valid reason for no anesthesia, but I don't care!! I do not want to be awake for this surgery!! If I am not awake however, then the Dr. will have no way of knowing where the pain is being blocked. In other words, I can direct the Dr. where to put the leads by telling him whether the pain is being blocked or not. The TOTAL effectiveness of this spinal cord stimulator DEPENDS on MY feedback to the Dr. DURING the operation! Wow!! Did you catch that? The total effectiveness of this spinal cord stimulator depends on my feedback to the Dt. during the operation! Let's re-word this sentence for just a minute. . .
The TOTAL effectiveness of my journey of lifestyle change DEPENDS on MY feedback to MYSELF DURING the journey!

Just like the upcoming surgery, I simply have to be PRESENT.

I CAN still exercise even if I don't want to!

I CAN eat healthier choices even when I WANT ice cream instead!

I CAN learn to be PRESENT in my own life, concerning my own feelings and regarding my own needs!

If I choose to do all these things, then I will see the goals of lifestyle change realized! I will walk the dog, I will climb the mountain, I will loose the extra body weight, I will wear a smaller size clothing, I will train for the half marathon, I will. . . . . . . . . . . (Put whatever you like right here!)

There is no greater way to get connected to one's self than by being present in one's life!. Have a great week folks!

What is a girl to do??

2010-02-24T13:50:00.000-05:00

OK, I need your help this week pretty please! There are several among us who are in a place that ALL of us have been. They are in that terribly uncomfortable place where eating seems to be out of control and fitness is becoming non-existent. We have all been in that place and most of you have heard me talk about the 30 pounds I gained after my brother died and it took me a year and a half to get my eating what I would call back in line with where I want it. I would say the same about fitness. It took a while for my equalibrium to return and now I feel like it has to the degree it can return after the death of a close family member. I would like to ask each of you who can answer this.

   *What steps did you take to reel it in? (That means behaviors)

   *How long did it take you to feel like you were on solid ground again?

   *Do you have a "go to" trick that works every time to steer you back on the path?

This is a way to pick your brains about something that we have all been faced with at one time or another. Believe it or not, there is a wealth of knowledge inside of each of you that will help your fellow group members more than you know. Please take some time to think about this and share what it is that motivates you during the storm.

Have a great week

The End or the Beginning

2010-02-19T12:52:00.001-05:00

This Tuesday will be Cathy's last Tuesday with us as Lead Therapist of the H.O.P.E. Program. I personally have experienced many emotions about her leaving. I completely understand why she is leaving. We all must make decisions that are best for us perssonally. Did you catch that?? We ALL must make decisions that are BEST for us personally. Now Cathy could have said "Poor Julie, what will she do without me to lead this program, especially in the evening when her eyes are half mast, so I couldn't possibly leave" or "Those sweet little participants just couldn't get throught the week without my wisdom and they might stop their journey of lifestyle change so I couldn't possibly leave" or "The YMCA has never had a program with a therapist working in it, they might get mad if I leave so I couldn't possibly leave". I guess you get the picture. While all those things may be true, she did not make a decision based on what she perceived others may need, she made a decision based on what she knew her needs were. She put herself first, made a decision, and now I will make decisions that are best for me and this program. It is the end of an era AND it is the beginning of an era. It really is "both/and"!

It really is a lesson. To know what is best for me, I have to be in touch with and connected to me. My encouragement to us all this week, is to connect with ourselves as much as possible. What are ways that you connect with yourself? How do you take know what you need? How do you know who you are? Be willing to ask questions and to connect with yourself in order to answer them. It is only when we connect with self that we become aware of who we are, what we feel and what we need.

Have a great week ladies.

**Also, could you all come to group about 10 or 15 minutes early to sign something for Cathy. Thank you!**

Fox News Rising

2010-02-16T13:43:00.000-05:00

For those of you who haven't seen this yet, the H.O.P.E. Program was featured on Fox News Rising yesterday on their morning show. Here is the link for the show

http://www.foxcharlotte.com/dpp/rising/annas_korner/Fit_Right_Now_An_Inspirational_Story_of_Weight_Loss

Have a great week ladies!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

2010-02-14T14:27:00.000-05:00

I was watching a show on Discovery channel about the terrible incident in 1989 where the Exxon Valdez oil tanker ran aground and spilled over 10 million gallons of unrefined Alaskan crude oil into Prince William Sound, causing the largest oil spill in North American history. Even now the consequences of that spill can be seen and measured in many ways. One of the things that grieved my spirit the most about that whole thing was the impact to animal life in a 1200 mile radius. I bet many of you still remember the pictures of volunteers holding the poor, almost lifeless birds covered, completely covered, in that oil. The volunteers used Dawn dishwashing liquid to painstakingly wash each feather, each beak, each foot of each bird they worked with. The birds would have died like so many others did had they not been cleaned of that oil. They could not walk because of the oil, they could not breathe well because of the oil. They absolutely could not fly, because of the oil. They could not eat, because of the oil. Everything they needed to do to live, they simply could not do because of that thick, smelly, slippery, life choking oil!

Does that familiar to anyone?? That is the picture of shame. Dark, black, smelly, consuming shame. It covers ever single part of those who have not been cleaned of it. Everything we need to do in a healthy way as a human-being, we can not do because of shame. Just like the volunteers had to painstakingly wash every feather clean of that oil, we too need to be painstaking about cleaning the shame out of our lives. It impacts the journey of lifestyle change more than any other thing I know. Shame is life choking, just like the oil. It is dark, just like the oil. It causes us to slip, just like the oil did to the birds. There is NOTHING good or healthy about shame. I also believe that shame is why we yo-yo diet so often. We can loose all the weight in the world, but if we still have shame deeply rooted in our lives, we will certainly gain it back again.

Here are a few clues that will let you know if you have shame deeply rooted in your life.
     *You say I'm sorry as a common response to just about anything
     *You often punish yourself for perceived wrongdoing
     *Your self talk or internal dialogue is negative and unhealthy most of the time
     *You believe most everything is your fault.
     *You say "I should have ________"(you fill in the blank) most of the time
     *You are sure that others are thinking "bad" things about you

OK, OK, you get the picture. Now the question becomes how in the world do we begin to break or challenge the shame in our lives. Great question. Now, what's the answer?? This is where I am going to pass it on to you guys.  I know that shame is "cleaned" off of us one feather at a time. What does that mean to you? How have you actually "cleaned a feather" and challenged shame in your life? Can you share some ways that you think are helpful in identifying or challenging shame in our life? How can we walk out of it? I would also love to hear from some of you on the bigger spiritual answer to the question of shame.

Have a great rest of the week end and I'll see you next week!

Tiny Tidbits

2010-02-05T11:59:00.001-05:00

Well it's another wonderful rainy day with much of the same in the forecast the whole week end. It will be a great time to work on the household things I put off until a rainy day! I mentioned in group this week that I was going to blog about a topic that a group member brought up and has struggled with recently. What do we do when we are just sick of the journey of lifestyle change, tired of the day in and day out of eating healthy most of the time, weary of working out 3 days a week and just flat sick of having to "be" on this journey. The questions then become why do we get in that place, is there any benefit to being in that place and most importantly, what can we do to walk out of that place. This also ties into the question we have talked about over the last few weeks whether we can become completely free of emotional or compulsive overeating or do we learn to negotiate the journey for life. I would like to ask for your help this week in answering these questions. Even if you have no answers, I would like to hear your thoughts about these three questions.

* WHY do we get so sick, tired and weary of this journey?

* IS THERE any benefit to being in that place?

* WHAT can we do to walk out of that place?

Although we touched on a few of these questions in group, I think there is such benefit in pondering them in ernest for clarification's sake. Understanding how we get there and understanding how we get out is fairly important considering this journey is a lifelong journey.

Thank you for keeping this conversation going. You truly are the smartest people I know!! Stay dry and I'll see you next week.

Julie's Journal

2010-01-28T16:32:00.004-05:00

Well as you probably all know by now, there are some changes under way in the H.O.P.E. Program. Cathy Lewis, who has been the group therapist and co-facilitator for over 5 years, is leaving. I want to take this opportunity to thank her personally for her role in H.O.P.E. and for the years of service she committed to this program. While change is never easy, and may not feel comfortable, it is an opportunity for growth for all parties involved. It is my deep prayer that Cathy finds everything she is looking for in life. I know that God will bless her abundantly and I look forward to a continuing professional relationship in the future. I am just as fully convinced that God will provide the right therapist, who is a perfect fit with us, to take us into the next several years.
I wanted to allow folks the opportunity to tell Cathy what she has meant to you personally, and to this program. Please post your comments this week with that goal in mind. Let's take the time to share with our fellow group member, our co-facilitator and our friend just what she means to us.

Be mindful to feel what you need to feel about this upcoming change. If you need more information or just want to talk about it, I am always available for you ladies, always. Thanks everyone, and have a great weekend. Get your sled out, it looks like snow!!

Practical Ponderings

2010-01-22T10:56:00.003-05:00

One of the friends I work with at the Y, Sarah Jane, was sharing this funny story with me yesterday. She was telling me how she went to meet her then boyfriend, now husband's family, for the first time. She was excited and nervous as anyone would be. They had a swimming pool in the back yard and her boyfriend and siblings decided to have some contests in the pool. One contest was to see who could swim across the pool under water the fastest. Well Sarh Jane thought "I have this in the bag, and they will all be so impressed with me. She was a swimmer all her life, had been in many swim competitions and couldn't wait to take them on. She had her contacts in, so just wanted to be sure and remember not to open her eyes and loose a contact. One you mark, get set, go! The race began, everyone swimming there hearts out, Sarah Jane's eyes tightly closed, then WHAM!!!  She hit the cement wall, full force, with no hands in front of her to block it. They pulled her out of the water to administer first aid to her. To hear her tell the story, it was pretty funny and she was not hurt too bad. . . except for her ego!

That story made me think of our journey of lifestyle change so much. Many of us are so prepared for this journey, we know what and how to eat, we know about fitness, we know about feelings and so on and so forth. The only problem is that we walking with our eyes covered!   Our eyes are covered by wounds from our past. They are covered by false beliefs that were peddled to us as children. Our eyes are darkened by shame messages that come from a myriad of places. Our eyes are even dimmed because we hold our own hands up and cover them. We can have an incredible amount of "knowledge" about lifestyle change and still find it hard to see the path we would like to be on.

Are you struggling with consistency on your journey? Could it be that you are having trouble seeing the path? Can you identify anything in your life that is darkening your view on this journey of lifestyle change? What can you begin to remove that could increase your visibility. Do you need help removing something from your eyes? The above story highlights so clearly that although we can be prepared and skilled and ready, we must be able to somewhat see the direction we want to go!

Have a wonderful week ladies!

Contest Winners Announced!

2010-01-15T15:06:00.001-05:00

Ok, don't have a heart attack because you are getting two post in one week! The odds of that happening again are fairly low! This post is to announce the H.O.P.E. Tshirt Contest winners. We had a contest that allowed folks to send in the Tshirt color, writing color and the quote that would appear on the back of the shirt. I am happy to say that we have two first prize winners and one 2nd place winner!

First Prize Winners

Kelly Bullock

and

Yarby Williams

Second Prize Winner

Julie Hallman

All three will receive their Tshirt free and Kelly and Yarby will also receive the first prize for their efforts. Great job to all who entered the contest. Tshirts will be out in the Spring and you can see the new design. Thanks for your help in deciding what we will wear on our backs this year! Have a great weekend!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

2010-01-14T17:17:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everyone! OK, OK, I know, it's a day late and a dollar short. . . . make that two or three dollars short!! Last week was a challenging week for me in many ways and I couldn't get the Blog post out. The good news is, that I don't live in that crazy "all or nothing"-ville anymore. Every now and again I may go there for a very short visit, but I definitely don't live there!! All or nothing-ville for me simply means living in a place of compulsive behaviors. I can hear me now in the old days, "I didn't Blog on time, so I will not Blog anymore, ever, at all, ever. Or maybe even this, "I will Blog every day since I missed a Blog post last week, maybe even twice a day". Scary, isn't it?? Those are the old, unhealthy behaviors that I choose not to engage in, so here is the post!

This topic seems to keep coming up, and there are a couple of differing views on it. I am most eager to hear what you think about this. Someone in group recently asked this question again, and it tends to come up at least a couple of times a year; "when can I expect food to be a non-issue?" That's the way it was worded this time, but another way of asking the same question might be "When am I done with this journey of lifestyle change, is it after I loose all my weight?"

I do not believe food can become a non-issue because it's not about the food! Its just not. It's about learning to feel our feelings and get connected with ourselves while learning and practicing healthy personal and relationship behaviors. While I do believe that we can learn to negotiate lifestyle change and food issues in a way that they no longer completely control our lives, I do not believe that food can ever become a non-issue. That would imply we could get passed it or totally free from it. I don't know about ya'll, but I am a professing Christian, born again, saved by grace, sold out to Christ, and I still do not believe food is a non-issue for me. What I do know is that I can choose to live out of the flesh and give-in to my desire for unhealthy emotional overeating or I can live out of the Spirit, decide to feel my feelings just as it was intended by our Creator, and make healthier choices   Either way. . .   .the choice is mine. Bottom line, the choice is mine. As soon as I believe that I am totally free of any fleshly desires, I am setting myself up to fall on my hind end, and believe me, I have choosen to do that more than once on this journey. I have though, learned to negotiate the journey in a way, that I have not gained my way back to 422 pounds. The journey IS my goal as KT would say. The choice IS mine. Learning as much as I can about nutrition and fitness is my choice. Trusting God to strengthen me on my journey is what I have chosen. I have also chosen to recognize that my flesh is not a good thing for me to listen to, but the Spirit of God is!

Do I think I'm still ensnared completely by unhealthy eating behaviors and a lack of fitness?. . . NO! Do I think I am passed it, or that food is a non-issue? . . . . NO! Have I personally recognized that it's not about the food? . . . YES!   Do I believe that I have all I need to make far more healthier choices than not, regarding food and fitness? . . .Absolutely!! That's the best news of all!

I would love to hear other perspectives regarding this issue.   Remember, you are the smartest people I know!!!

Julie's Journal

2009-12-22T18:07:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas to everyone! In the last post, we were talking about the concept that where light is, there simply can be no darkness. In other words . . . light dispels darkness. As we have talked about in group many times, this universal truth states that darkness and light cannot exist in the same space, at the same time. Another universal biblical truth that does not change and we know that we CAN count on is . . . truth dispels lies. Recently someone asked me about emotions, and why I think our lives should be ruled by feelings. I quickly responded that I absolutely do not believe that we should live being ruled by feelings, but that we also cannot live as if we have no emotions at all! There is a serious flaw to living a life ruled by feelings. What if I felt shameful most of the time. Could you imagine what my behavior would look like if I were fueled by shame?? Yikes! What if I were afraid most of the time? Can you picture decisions motivated by fear? What if I were fueled by pure pride. Those behaviors might be the scariest of all! Ha!!

But as most of us know, and most of us have experienced personally, there is just as serious a flaw to living one's life without emotions, by trying to numb them or stuff them completely. As most of us know by now, it simply does not work! It does not give us the life we desire. More importantly, it does not relieve the pain we are running from. There is a way to walk in both truth and light! As we begin to "feel" again, we must be willing to make sure our backdrop is truth. It would be very difficult for me to walk in shame if I believe the truth that "there is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus". It would be very hard for me to behave as a woman frozen by fear if I truly believe that "God is always with me". It would be difficult for me to completely ignore my physical needs of nutrition and fitness if I believe that I am "worthy" and "indwelled by the Holy Spirit just because He created me. Do you see how the backdrop of Truth can begin to dispel the lies we may operate under? There are so many examples I could use. Can you think of some examples in your own life? The other thing that is important to remember is that you must decide or choose what "Truth" is for your own life. Once you begin to clarify YOUR truth in your own life, you can begin to root out the lies that are motivating unhealthy behaviors! Clarifying one's own truth is a lifelong process that can be constantly evolving.

Lasting lifestyle change, is a journey worth investing the time and effort it takes to walk in health and wellness, of spirit, mind, body and emotions!! As we look to the New Year, and all of the possibilities that it holds, let's be willing to look for Truth and Light, wherever it may be found, knowing that there will be some difficult encounters with Darkness and Lies. You will have support as you traverse this terrain. God bless each and every one of you, and may some Truth be revealed to you as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, Who embodies Truth to the fullest!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

2009-12-11T13:39:00.000-05:00

As I have been driving around the city, I have noticed that their are still some folks left who put up Christmas lights all over their front doors, shutters, trees and bushes. I began to think about how the homes with lights were illuminated and stood out brightly above the other homes on the block without the lights, especially at night. The same way the star over the manger in Bethlehem shone brighter than all the others because it was meant to illuminate the site of the Lord's birth. During this season, we celebrate the birth of Jesus, Who is the light of the world. Those of us who are belivers in Christ are also called to carry out that mission and be a light on a hill, salt and light in a dark world. I was thinking about how this really does relate to our journey of lifestyle change. When we truly began to walk out our journey with consistency and perseverence, others begin to notice. We become hope to others who have not quite begun the journey yet. We inspire others to take a chance and begin their journey of lifestyle change. We are the light to those who still feel like they are in a dark place and need hope on this journey. It's amazing how it works that way.

During this season, if you need some light to illuminate your path on lifestyle change, then look to those who have had some success at it. If you have had some sucess at it, then shine brightly and lock arms with another who may just be beginning their journey. Happy Holidays ladies!

A little reminder

2009-12-03T15:10:00.001-05:00

For anyone interested in coming to the H.O.P.E. Christmas Open House, please contact me directly for more information. It is going to be a wonderful evening of fun, fellowship and food, drop-in style. So for anyone who has conflicts, maybe you can come to this gathering before you are off to another one. That leads me to something I think about often. That wonderful "all or nothing" mentality that invades our thinking so often. During the Holiday season, it seems to really fight for front and center head time. I went to gathering this past weekend, and all I could think of was I'm going to eat some of everything they had available and a bunch of it.. And when I wasn't thinking that, I was thinking I won't have anything, not a taste of anything. Good grief! Why can't I default to the middle ground or the leaning into balance place? What is it that sends me to the edges of all or nothing? I truly forgot sometimes that I have control of my thoughts, and I can choose to focus on unhealthy things, or I can choose to think about the middle ground, and then walk in it! It still amazes me how often I just assume that I have no choice or that I am just a poor little victim of my thoughts. So the good news is that I am not a victim of my thoughts, nor am I left with no choice in the matter. That is scriptural, that is truth! I can choose not to think about the all or nothing choices, but to intentionally walk to the middle ground and then ponder the choices available in that area. I can even take one step furthur and let my behavior reflect it!

As you go through this Holiday season, remember that when you hear yourself say "I can't wait to eat everything they have at that party and a lot of it because it's a holiday" or "I can't eat anything because I'm on a diet" that the language indicates that you are treading out on the edge of all or nothing thinking. Stop, and walk away from the edge! There ARE other choices. "Leaning into balance" is the total antithesis of the dreaded "all or nothing" thinking! Polar opposites! What are the messages you hear that are sure indications that you are in the "all or nothing" place? What are the red flags that you need to listen to over the coming Holiday weeks. . . and after?

There will be no individual interview this week. Enjoy your week!

Practical Pondering and Julie's Journal

2009-11-20T20:03:00.002-05:00

Well it's that time of year again when most of us make endless plans for travel, eat massive amounts of food and spend countless hours with family and friends. Yep, it's Thanksgiving Holiday!! I want to take a minute and talk about the word gratitude. The dictionary states that "gratitude" is: a feeling or state of being thankful.

One of the most incredible life truths I stumbled upon was when I was 24 years old.  I had just been through a very emotionally and physically difficult surgery for cancer in which about a foot of my left calf was removed, all the lymph nodes from my groin area, about a foot of my left hip was removed and about a 6 inch chunk out of my right shoulder was also removed. My chance survival 5 years from the surgery date was pretty dismal. I had to go to Duke Hospital in Durham for the type of cancer treatment I needed because the Charlotte hospitals did not offer such treatment at the time. I was in my second semester of graduate school at the time and all of this shut my life down pretty much for over 6 months.

I was told over and over and over again, "You're so lucky" (well then maybe I needed to pray to be unlucky if that was luck!) and "what a blessing that you live near Duke Hospital" (Right, three hours is close by, are you kidding?)  "Boy you're lucky they found it before it killed you!" (Uhmmm, Okay, right) These were the kind of comments I received daily and I was resentful, annoyed and frankly, I was wishing that for one day some of the well wishers could feel how it feels to be that "lucky"!! I got to know most of the other patients pretty well, and as I returned month after month, most of the patients I had become new friends with did not. One by one, they succumbed to the cancer that ravaged their bodies.

It was one of the most difficult times in my life, and week after week, month after month, I began to experience a change.  I started to understand what gratitude was. I also began to understand what all the well wishers were saying to me. I truly and whole-heartedly thanked the Lord for allowing me to live through this dreadful disease that was taking most of my new friends. In fact, I became truly grateful that the Lord had allowed me to experience cancer like I had. I met so many awesome people who were fighting cancer, so many wonderful medical folks who were in it with me and I had probably to deepest gratitude for my family and closest friends. I also learned that out of my experience and out of my gratitude I could serve others. This is where I learned to my core that gratitude for my experiences, especially the difficult ones, could be used to serve others in a way that changed lives. I became more and more grateful for my difficult life experiences because I now had a platform by which I could serve others. How powerful that is when one truly understands that concept. Gratitude. It is the mechanism by which we can reclaim our lives and even our pasts, so that we can feel joy in our daily lives as we serve others. Talk about being empowered!! Boy does this translate to our journey of lifestyle change! I found a few quotes on gratitude that we can chew on as we go into a season of Thanksgiving! Enjoy and please take some time to remember what and who you are grateful for this season.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Anonymous

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ~William Arthur Ward

"O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever." ~Psalms 107.1

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” ~Anthony Robbins

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God."  ~ Thessalonians 5.16-18

“Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy” ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God." ~ Philippians 4.6

H.O.P.E. Highlight

2009-11-12T18:12:00.002-05:00

Well it certainly has been a cold, rainy, windy week. Sometimes . . . several days of rain can make me feel gray. I am ready for some more of those brilliant blue skied days with that cool, fall weather!

I was looking over an email that a fellow group member sent me some time ago. The naked truth and rawness of her words have stuck with me from the night she read her journal aloud in group. The topic? "Saying no". Yep, one of the hardest things in the world for so many of us to do is to say no when we need to say no. I asked her a few weeks later if she would mind letting me have a copy of her thoughts in order to share on the Blog sometime. She agreed, hoping that her insights might inspire another to be honest about where they are. As you read this, please think about where you are on your journey of lifestyle change as related to the topic of saying no when you need to say no.

"I've done all I know how to do to please them;
to make the people I love happy.
The lie I believed was that I ever could
or even should attempt it. I'm not responsible for their happiness.

The raw truth is that giving in all the time NEVER really pleased them or satisfied them, or made them truly happy. Like a baby's pacifier, it only appeased them momentarily and silenced their cries temporarily; all the while, draining my reserves, sapping my strength and diminishing my credibility (even with myself).

Instead of causing them to love me more because they appreciate the person I am (yet another lie), they take me and my love for them for granted, seldom consider my needs or feelings. It seems impossible for me to say, "No" to them without their world coming to an end; yet, I've observed that they have no problem, hesitation or reservation whatsoever about telling me "No" when something isn't to their liking.
My intentions were noble, but what I got in return was pain and self-loathing. So, the lie I agree with when I don't say "No" and mean it is that my needs, feelings and opinions don't matter...that I don't have value. That's the biggest lie of all."

Have you come to the same conclusions as the writer or have you experienced something different? How long has it taken you to get there? Can you say no now, or is it still particularly difficult? Have your Christian beliefs ever made it difficult or impossible to say no when you needed to? Have you felt the same way she did after not saying no?

I really look forward to your comments on this Blog. This topic is really part of the cornerstone of lifestyle change. Have a blessed weekend

Individual Interview . . . and a little reminder

2009-11-05T12:26:00.003-05:00

OK, ladies, we are going to have a little contest in the H.O.P.E. Program with a prize and everything! It is that time of year when I must decide what our H.O.P.E. T-shirts will say and what color they will be. Last year's shirts said "Find H.O.P.E. at the Harris YMCA" and they are green with white writing. The contest will consist of this:

1. Create a clever saying for the back of the T-shirt that uses the word H.O.P.E.
2. Give me the shirt color and the writing color

That simple! Whoever submits the winning t-shirt for the spring will win a prize! Also, everyone who submits an entry will get a consolation prize. Please submit all entries to julie.hall@ymcacharlotte.org with the word "Contest" in the subject line. Last day to receive entries will be November 23rd, 2009. Good luck and let's come up with an awesome T-shirt for the spring!

I have a treat for everyone this week. The interview is on a beloved group member, who has been with us from the start. Most of us have missed her greatly over the past several months while she has been away. She's back. . . . . . . by interview anyway! It's Gayle Hall, also known as Mom or the Hankie lady. This can serve as a little tease to hold us until she joins us in group again. Gayle is an example of what can be accomplished through perseverence and determination. She has overcome an incredible challenge with her health and it reminds me that it's much the same with this journey we are all on. It takes determination, which IS a choice, and perseverence, which IS a choice. So as you read this interview, let it be a reminder to us all to be determined in what we are doing and to persevere when the road gets hard. Have a great week ladies!

H.O.P.E. Individual Interview

What is your name?
Gayle Hall

Who is your family and additional support system outside of H.O.P.E.?
Husband John of 53, almost 54 years on January 1st.
Daughters Julie and Laurie and her husband Barry, and my grandchild, Cyrus who is 8 years old. I also have a wonderful Sunday School Class at First Baptist Church and a dear friend I have known for 60 years.

How long have you been a H.O.P.E Participant?
Since the very first class that was held. I have been beside Julie’s side long before this program, and will be forever!

What is the most useful tool you have received in H.O.P.E. and why?
At my age, I discovered that I can have boundaries and have a voice. These two have been the best tools and they work well for me.

What has been your greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. program?
Being able to come to all of the classes on Tuesday and share and get support from others.

What has been your greatest challenge on your journey of lifestyle change?
Falling. . .ha ha . . .or not!

What does the H.O.P.E. program mean to you personally?
Watching my daughter in action and seeing how she gives such support and love to the girls in group really warms my heart and makes me very, very proud as a mom. Nothing gives me a greater thrill.

Can you share some words of wisdom with others who are just beginning their journey of lifestyle change?
The journey begins on the inside, changing how and what you think. It’s not about the food. Baby steps toward change are really important.

Tiny Tidbits

2009-10-28T13:31:00.000-04:00

I want you to put your thinking caps on, close your eyes and go back to age 10 or 12 or even 18. What did you think your life would look like when you grew up. Did you think you would be married, or have children? If so, how many children. What did you think you would be? A teacher or a doctor, or did you think you would not work outside the home and raise children? What picture did you paint? What dream did you have for your life?

Of course, many of us, if not most would say that the picture they painted of their life when they were younger is not even close to the reality they live out today. Many of us, if not most would also say that there is a disappointment, deep regret or even bitterness that their life did not turn out like they had hoped or dreamed. That gap between the picture or dream and our reality can become a cesspool for painful suppressed emotions that in turn promote unhealthy behaviors. When we let go of this picture that we painted about our life, and just allow the story to unfold as God intended, it creates a whole world of expansion for growth and other things to come in. A life that is much bigger and fuller, in so many other ways than we had imagined, will emerge.

So it is with our journey of lifestyle change. Many of us have painted a picture of this journey we are on. Many of us have painted the picture of "I've failed so many times before, why will this time be different" or "I'll never be able to eat anything good again" or "I'm going to loose this weight and then never gain a pound again" or "I'm going to be a size. . . (you fill in the blank) or my favorite "Once I loose this weight, then I'm done forever with this journey". The point is that we miss out on so much this journey has to offer by painting a picture in advance. It also leaves so much room for disappointment when we posture this way. God has so much waiting for each one of us, day by day, as it unfolds, step by step. We only have to be willing to be on the journey. Sometimes He leads us up a hill and the journey is challenging which provides our muscles for life. Sometimes He lets us slide down the hill and the journey seems easier which teaches us confidence. God will provide all the lessons and scenery along the road. Trust that He will give each one of us what we need, right when we need it.

My encouragement for all of us this week, and the rest of this year, is to allow the journey to unfold, as we take the baby steps forward. God will provide all the rest! Have a great week and take some time to enjoy the scenery on this wild and wonderful journey called lifestyle change!

Julie's Journal

2009-10-23T16:50:00.000-04:00

As most of you know, I have rededicated myself to tightening up in some areas on my personal journey of lifestyle change. I’m reverting back to some behaviors that I’ve used before in this journey. While I have no control over some of the medical issues that I am challenged with right now, I do have control over how I eat, how much I eat and how I incorporate fitness into my life given these challenges.

I am on the second full week of this commitment and I have noticed something. Something that feels faintly familiar. I am once again single minded about “health and wellness”. . . . hmmm, that’s not entirely accurate. I am once again single minded about “loosing weight and fitness”. The point being that I have begun to notice that I think about nothing EXCEPT food, what kind, how much, when I eat, shopping for that food, how much I weigh, when I weigh, writing the food that I can’t stop thinking about in the food journal, when I’ll do that and how often I’ll write it. When I get to the end of the day and lay down to go to sleep, I go through the day’s events and go through the list I just gave, one by one, to see how I did in each category. Does anybody see a pattern here??

I do believe in being single-minded to a degree while on this journey of lifestyle change, BUT, not at the expense of the rest of my life. Just as I used to be obsessed with eating and every subject surrounding food, I also became just as obsessed with weight loss and fitness when I first began the journey toward health and wellness. It really does look like a pendulum swing. . . binge eating, no weighing and morbid obesity to extremely controlled eating, daily weighing and excessive fitness. Either way, I was still missing life! I have noticed the pattern arising in my life again, but fortunately I see the red flag, I know what that flag represents and I’m not buying it! The whole point of lifestyle change is so that we are no longer in bondage to our thoughts, our choices, and especially and to our weight! I want to live, and walk the dog, and read, and play with my nephew, and hike in the mountains, and swim in the ocean, and visit the elderly shut-ins, and jog, and dress up, and sing loud in Church, and have deep spiritual conversations, and so on and so on and so on. . . . . .

How are you doing at “living” these days? Are you so focused on the steps that you’re taking that you forget to look around at the passing scenery, which happens to be your life? Are you not focused enough on the steps you’re taking on this journey of lifestyle change so that you stumble and even fall on this journey? Red flags simply mean it’s time to adjust. I know one thing for sure . . . it is time for me to lean into the middle ground. What about you?

Have a great week ladies and I’ll see you on Tuesday!

Practical Ponderings

2009-10-15T15:01:00.000-04:00

Hello loved ones! This has been a great week of new beginnings for several of us. I made a commitment with my workout partner to weigh, with each of us knowing each others weight, to make a food journal and to begin journaling our food intake and fitness during the week. When I feel like I am spiraling out of control on this journal of lifestyle change, the thing I know to do is throw out some anchors to stop the spiraling. One of the anchors that I know works is using a food journal to track exactly what and when I am eating. It helps me be conscious of what and how much I am eating, and it helps me know when to eat. Every three to four hours works for me. Also, another anchor is to have a partner in the gym. It keeps me accountable and it is so much more fun and rewarding if I have a partner in crime! Weighing once a week is another anchor that stops the spiraling. I just need to see where I am and how I am doing. If my weight is not going down, and there are no medical reasons for it, then I need to change something in the game plan. This week, several others joined me in this endeavor of throwing anchors out and I want to applaud you. We will ALL do this together. When we feel off track, one of the greatest anchors of all is just admitting it and not trying to hide it. I have done that this week and it seems several others have also. This is the stuff lifestyle journeys are made off. Sometimes on track, and sometimes not, but honestly knowing which is the truth and making the adjustments necessary. Smartest people I know. . . I keep telling ya!!

Have a great week reclaiming your journey ladies!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

2009-10-09T11:23:00.000-04:00

I was talking with a co-worker about a specific scene in the movies that just related so much to the journey of lifestyle change. It was the scene where Indiana Jones is inside the cave or cavern and he's reading the riddle that will get him safely through the cave, when he comes to end of the path. Over the edge, where the path ends, is a drop off into darkness. There is literally nothing below, nothing in front and nothing above him. Just blackness and nothing. His directions however, tell him to take a step right out into the darkness, into the nothing. He ponders. . . to believe the riddle, or to believe what he "sees". The riddle tells Indy to take a 'leap of faith' so he slowly, and with great trepidation, steps out into the void. To his astonishment his foot lands on something solid, yet he appears to be standing in midair.

Indiana Jones could have missed the journey and stayed stuck right there at the end of the path, where he did not want to be. Instead, he took the leap of faith and that one step lead to another and another until he was exactly where he wanted to be! So it is with our journey of lifestyle change. Sometimes our shame, or the racket, or our desire to please others at any cost, or our choice not to use our voice or our co-dependent behaviors keep us stuck at the end of the path, and because we don't understand it all and cannot see in front of us, we just stay stuck right there. We do not have to have it all figured out folks! We can just "take a leap of faith" and trust those who have walked it before us, and just step out into the darkness. One thing that I know that I know that I know. There will either be a hard place for your foot to land, or you will be given wings with which to fly over the darkness and a flashlight to see the way!

There are many times on this journey where we will feel like we are at that drop off, and I am convinced that those are the times that we just need to step. The rest will fall into place. I don't have to know all the why's, when's, where's and how's of my past or my racket or my unhealthy behaviors. I just need to trust the process, trust the heart of God, and be willing to take a leap of faith. Have a great week end ladies. Remember. . .you are the smartest people I know!!

Individual Interview . . . and a little reminder

2009-10-01T12:18:00.000-04:00

Hi friends, and I do mean friends. Your support during this stressful time has meant a great deal to me and I wanted to take a minute to thank you. I am happy to report that while my mother is still in the hospital, she is doing much better. There were some very dark days when we were not sure of the outcome, but she has turned the corner and is doing much better. We hope to have her in a position to go to rehab soon. After a couple of weeks there, she should be well enough to take the next step, although we are not quite sure what that will be. That's OK, we don't have to know. All I really have to know is the God has us safely and securely in His hands and I really do know that. Boy does that truth make the rough times and strong winds bearable. In fact I just said last night, that the harder the winds blow, the less I sway. I think the winds just make me squeeze tighter on to His hand and deepens my resolve to stay the course. Anyway, again, thanks for all the love and support you have shown my family.

This month's interview is from a group member who has been with this program since it's inception! Take care ladies, enjoy your week end (especially those of you heading to the hills!) and we will meet again next week.

H.O.P.E Individual Interview

What is your name?
Angie Gay

Who is your family and additional support system outside of H.O.P.E. ?
My husband David for 29 years, my sons Ryan(25) and Justin(22) and my Mom who gives me her support and love every single day.

How long have you been a H.O.P.E. Participant?
I am and original member of H.O.P.E.. I’ve lost count but I believe it’s been 6 maybe 7 years.

What is the most useful tool you have received in H.O.P.E. ?
Every single tool has been useful. But to pick one that keeps me going would be “baby steps”. When moving forward on making changes, I would always go for perfection. Walk 2 miles everyday, eat a healthy food plan everyday, and write in a journal everyday. First there is no perfection, second I failed every single time. The changes would never last. Then Julie and Cathy taught me about “baby steps”. At the beginning I broke the changes into tiny steps and when they became consistent I would step them up. I moved slowly because I realize this isn’t a race to the end but a journey for the rest of my life.

What has been your greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. Program?
I’ve done some things I never thought possible. I’ve hiked a mountain in Hawaii and I got on a snowmobile and rode through the most breathtaking scenery I’ve ever seen.

What has been your greatest challenge on your journey of lifestyle change?
I would say my obsessing on the numbers (i.e. pounds lost). I have found that this journey is about so much more. I also know about myself, that when I focus on weight loss I usually get stuck and find I’m not moving forward.

What does the H.O.P.E. Program mean to you personally?
H.O.P.E. brought back my JOY. Julie and Cathy have created a program that is life changing!

Can you share some words of wisdom with others who are just beginning their journey of lifestyle change?
I don’t know if I have any wisdom to share but I would like to say, if you are just beginning or anywhere on your journey – live “as if “, throw out the “ wait until “ and live your life knowing you are LOVED.

Practical Pondering and Julie's Journal

2009-09-24T15:08:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!
Hope you all are having a great week this week as we move into the fall season and cooler weather. Fall has always been my favorite time of year for the obvious reason of much needed cooler weather, but also because of the vibrant colors everywhere you look. Unfortunately, it has been a very difficult beginning of the season for my family as my mother has been very sick. She is receiving the best of medical care and we are hopeful that it will result in the return of her health to a meaningful degree. Thank you for all of your concern, cards and prayers. They are deeply appreciated.

"If you are in your comfort zone, then you are likely not in the will of God." I heard this statement recently and it really resonated with me. Then almost immediately, I related it to the journey of lasting lifestyle change. For me, "comfort zone" means all the places I know so well, all the places that feel comfortable only because they are familiar to me. When I find myself in those known places on my journey of lifestyle change, the odds that I am growing in a healthy direction are fairly slim.

Walking in new and unknown places are what cause me to stretch and grow. Comfort zones, or the known, keep me in the old and unhealthy places. This unknown, rocky, brier filled, pot-hole covered path is what will stretch us and build our muscles and ultimately create the "lasting" in lasting lifestyle change. Can you relate to this, and if so, in what way? Can you name the comfort zones on your journey of lasting lifestyle change? What are some ways to intentionally stay away from the comfort zones in our lives and walk toward the unknown?

Enjoy your week end and I look forward to seeing you next week!

H.O.P.E Highlight

2009-09-11T14:50:00.000-04:00

Hi ya'll! That's quite a southern greeting, isn't it! Hope you have had a great week and made some forward momentum in your journey of lifestyle change. Lifestyle change. What exactly does that mean? Have you ever thought about it? "Lifestyle" is described as a pattern of behaviors and attitudes. The definition of "change" is becoming different, passing from one phase to another.

This past week someone lamented about the boocoos of time she spent buried in self help books on change. Her great intentions never produced any lasting lifestyle transformation. The missing element? ACTION! It takes action to create change. That simple! OK, OK, I know it's not THAT simple, but we don't need to make it so complicated either.

Are you stuck in the mire of learning how to change without taking the steps to move forward OR are you taking some type of action step on your journey right now? Please share any motivating tips you may have in regards to getting up and moving forward. Ladies, take a few minutes this week to check the momentum of your journey. Make your efforts count!

Julie's Journal and Individual Interview

2009-09-03T13:05:00.000-04:00

Hi Everybody! Thank you so much for asking where the blog post was last week. It encourages me that some folks are actually expecting it each week. That rocks! I had a busy week with some medical things last week and did not spend much time in the office, so I am combining the posts this week. That means you get another two for one post. I just want to spend a minute talking about something that is most important on this journey. . . attitude. Oh what a difference an attitude can make, whether it is positive or negative. Most of us now know what the research confirms about someone who has had a negative attitude through the years. It has a negative impact physically. Another confirmation of how it's all connected. Spirit, mind, body and emotions. Research also confirms that a positive attitude can make a world of difference when someone is going through a life challenge. Are you a optimist, or a pessimist? How does your attitude impact your journey of lasting lifestyle change? Can you choose your attitude?

I was blessed richly by reading the following Individual Interview by Kindra. Hope you ladies enjoy it as much as I did. Have a great week!

H.O.P.E. Individual Interview

What is your name?
Kindra Savage

Who is your family and additional support system outside of H.O.P.E.?
I have been married to my husband, Bob, for 24 years and I have a son, Eric, a Senior at Ardrey Kell High School and a daughter, Shelby, a Junior at Ardrey Kell High School.

How long have you been a H.O.P.E Participant?
I have been blessed to be a H.O.P.E participant for a year and a half.

What is the most useful tool you have received in H.O.P.E. and why?
Wow—the most useful tool? Every single tool has been useful for me, but I guess the key tool and turning point for me was to tie my unhealthy eating/binges with what I was feeling. Whenever I started bingeing, I began to write what was going on at the time. Sometimes I wouldn’t write until after I binged, but nevertheless, I was shocked to see the connection. I was eating unhealthy so I wouldn’t have to feel!

What has been your greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. program?
To keep working at it and not make it another “all or nothing” effort. I come every single week as a gift to myself. In the past, when I didn’t eat healthy and gained weight, I would just give up and isolate. HOPE has taught me it is a journey of ups and downs and I can keep at it. I no longer have long seasons of eating unhealthy or “perfect diet and exercise” only to go back to one or the other. I go with the ups and downs of my life, being gentle and realizing I am still of value and worth~ no matter where I am in this journey! Yay!

What has been your greatest challenge on your journey of lifestyle change?
To not wallow in the years of regret and waste of my life. To accept this is for the rest of my life and I can grow up, be an adult and learn to meet my own needs. Yes, I wish I’d gotten this sooner, but thank God for HOPE—I get it NOW!

What does the H.O.P.E. program mean to you personally?
Ahhh…the name HOPE says it all. It is my lifeline to ME focusing on ME and taking care of myself. It is my safe support group of women who speak my language and accept me just as I am. I learn so much from what others share. It is Jesus gifting me with a place I can tell my secrets with no shame and be taught the Truth about who I was always meant to be.

Can you share some words of wisdom with others who are just beginning their journey of lifestyle change?
When I first came to HOPE I was tentative because I had tried every diet and read every self help book I could imagine and I was so burnt out on becoming hopeful something would work only to find it never did for long. I couldn’t take one more yo-yo disappointment and wanted to give up. So when I came I was still looking for the “magic diet/answer” that would cure me once and for all from this life of struggle. For the first nine months I kept gaining more weight because I just hated becoming AWARE of what was behind my unhealthy eating. I didn’t want to deal with it, but I just kept coming to the meetings. I have much more to lose, but I have lost 44 pounds so far, and AMAZINGLY it’s NO LONGER THE SCALE that determines my success or value! I learned there is no magic diet or pill! The answer for me lies in pulling back the layers, seeing what is behind it all, believing His Truth for me and about me and learning with His help I can relearn how to live my life and even meet my own needs. I LOVE H.O.P.E, MY H.O.P.E SISTERS and remain ever grateful to God for the gift He has given me to live my life in abundance as He talks about. It has infected and affected me and everyone I have contact with in a positive way. Keep coming~we need each other!

Practical Ponderings

2009-08-18T16:53:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! Thanks to all who came and supported the H.O.P.E. One Miler. Congratulations to each one of you who crossed the finished line! You will receive your medal and T shirt at a post one miler celebration in group. Although some things did go wrong at the race, there were many things that did go right. One of those things is that each one of you made a commitment to do the race, and each one of you crossed the finish line. That IS a big deal! Another thing that went right was the support I witnessed. People partnered up and supported each other as they went around the track. The best thing that happened that day is that a little idea was hatched. Maybe, just maybe, we, the H.O.P.E. Program, could have our own event or race or one miler in the future. How cool would that be?? Pretty cool if I do say so myself! Now on to more practical things, since it is "Practical Ponderings" week!

Someone recently asked me this question in order to take care of themselves (which makes me jump for joy) and since this blog is for us and issues related to us and our journey towards health and wellness, I am going to put it out there for you guys to respond to. "What are some personal hygiene tips for minimizing sweat, odors and rashes on the skin under folds and bulges?" The summer months in particular are difficult on the body as far as sweat and rashes. When I was anywhere between 250-422 pounds, there were many places that bothered me including under my stomach, under my boobs and really anywhere there was lumps, bumps, nooks and crannies! One of the things that was most helpful for my hygiene and healing in this area was to wash the area with soap and water, dry it well and then apply plain corn starch liberally. The corn starch also helped to keep the sweat in those areas to a minimum.

Any question that relates to taking care of one's body on the journey of lasting lifestyle change is not off limits. Those of us who struggle with our weight tend to have other related issues that we have to deal with. Part of being responsible for ourselves is acknowledging these issues and obtaining the necessary information to properly care for our bodies. Kudos for asking the question, and my deep hope is that others who may have experienced this issue or have medical knowledge on this issue or have heard of something that worked for someone else can chime in with some healthy and helpful input. Thank you all for your ongoing support of this blog. It is serving folks better than you can imagine. Have a great week!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

2009-08-13T12:10:00.000-04:00

Last night Cathy, the H.O.P.E. program therapist, was sharing a story from her childhood. She and her sister would listen to Carole King on their old timey record player. In the middle of the song "Way over Yonder", the record skipped during the chorus, and it would go like this "I'm talking bout way over, way over, way over, way over. . . ." and Cathy and her sister actually learned the song that way. Even today when they sing it together, they sing it with the skip in it! We all had a good laugh about this, but then Cathy said "it's much the same with racket".

It really is much the same with racket. So may people have asked me this simple question. "Why do I always gain my weight back after I loose it?" My short answer to that would be that your record has a skip in it and it keeps repeating an unhealthy message that in turn dictates your return to unhealthy eating behaviors. The skip that impacts most people on this journey is shame. The skip that says. . .
I am not enough * I am bad * I can't do it * I'll just fail like always * I should have *

When you hear the words "I should have" in your vocabulary, you can be most sure that shame is lurking very near by. My encouragement to you is to keep your ears open for this phrase in your everyday language. When you can begin to hear yourself saying this, can see the shame message is nearby, and identify it as a lie, then you have lifted the needle on the skipping record of your life. The next step is to actually change the record to a positive, affirming, loving message. I call it changing the record from Trash to Truth. Behavior that flows from racket and lies is unhealthy and behavior that flows from truth and authenticity is healthy.

Do you have a skip in your record? Can you identify what the skips are that keep you in an unhealthy place? It's time to pick the needle up and stop listening to the skip.
Have a great rest of the week and I will see you all on Saturday at the H.O.P.E. One Miler.

Individual Interview . . . and a little reminder

2009-08-05T14:29:00.000-04:00

A question was posed to me this week from a fellow group member which I believe is right at the center of lifestyle change. We talked about saying "no" last week, and this relates to that topic, and I also believe many of us have asked this very valid question also. Here it is as it was asked.

"As I was writing in my journal in response to the nugget/tool for this week, "Saying No" this question arose from a place I don't like to look at too often, but it's a valid question and something that has sabotaged my best efforts before:
What if the other person REFUSES to respect/honor my "No" even when I mean it?"

Well group, what are your thoughts on this relevant, valid and 'fundamental to our healthy journey' question? What then? What do we do next?

Also, this week's Individual Interview is a treat. Make sure and catch the last question she answers. Enjoy, and have a great week ladies!

H.O.P.E. Individual Interview

What is your name?
Marguerite

Who is your family and additional support system outside of H.O.P.E.?
My children are glad to see me “working on this”, but don’t “get” what this journey is about. I rely greatly on the members of HOPE for support and understanding of this journey.

How long have you been a H.O.P.E Participant?
It will be 4 years in October.

What is the most useful tool you have received in H.O.P.E. and why?
One of the early tools was learning about “the racket” – negative self-talk. It’s been an ongoing journey of discovery as I realize how much of that went on within me, and continues to sneak in at times. Seeing Julie live the HOPE program has also been very significant for me to witness. The other significant “tool” is HOPE itself that provides support and validation on the journey.

What has been your greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. program?
It’s been a long process for me (and continues….) I had a significant “ah-ha” moment within the last 9 months when I not only realized I was co-dependent, but began clearly seeing times when I was acting in that manner. A family crisis (which energized me into wanting to implement my most incredible co-dependent behaviors) brought me to a turning point: recognizing that I needed professional help. I’d avoided doing this for a long time, but knew in that moment that this was the next step. It continues to be a useful tool for me at this time in my life.

What has been your greatest challenge on your journey of lifestyle change?
Getting “moving”! With the support of another HOPE member, and a deluxe tour of the “Y” facilities by Julie, I finally managed to get into the pool and start walking. It’s slow going, but I found myself getting excited last week when I realized that I’d walked ¼ mile (8-laps back and forth). Somehow thinking of it in those terms makes it awesome to me!

What does the H.O.P.E. program mean to you personally?
It’s the “missing link” for me. When I came to “HOPE”, I had just lost 50 #’s, and was feeling pretty pleased with myself, but knew that with at least 50 more pounds to lose, that my lifetime weight loss issues weren’t about how much food I was eating. HOPE was the place that gave voice to the “missing link”. The other wonderful thing about HOPE is that it is facilitated by professionals. Having a professional there is what made it safe for me and kept me coming. Of course, once feelings etc. came into view I managed to regain that 50 lbs., but as I now am making healthier food choices, and exercising etc., I see this 50 lbs. as the “best” weight I have ever gained, because of what I’ve learned in the process.

Can you share some words of wisdom with others who are just beginning their journey of lifestyle change?
It’s not about diet and food. It’s a journey, a life-time process that should not be measured in terms of days, months and years. Don’t get discouraged that if it’s not a quick fix. Keep going even when you feel you are stuck, as that is also part of the journey. Don’t be afraid of professional help if you can’t get “unstuck”. As part of one of our meetings we were told to read Psalm 139. I did and paraphrased it “just for me”, and it continues to be a comfort and reminder of my on-going journey.

Psalm 139: Paraphrase of Verses 19 – 24:

If only I will let You heal the shame that denies
the awesome creation you have wrought in me.

I often speak of myself with derision and shame,
Allowing the woundedness of others to name me.

I do not hate those who have hidden my eyes and heart
from the beauty that You have always delighted in.

You wait for me to look beyond the veil of shame,
and to see You have always been with me.

Search me, O God, know my heart –
and remove the shame and fears that are there.

Help me to claim the wholeness you desire for me,
and to honor You always with all my being.

Tiny Tidbits

2009-07-30T13:10:00.000-04:00

I just received an inspirational, but pain filled email from someone who has perceived that it is time to change. Wait a sec . . . let me rephrase that. I just received an inspirational, but pain filled email from someone who has perceived it is time to change, and is asking for support as she takes an action step on this journey of lifestyle change. I think about this often. What makes someone perceive that something has become painful enough, that they must make a change? I felt that way on my couch when my mom handed me a picture of my nephew and me, and I almost fell off the couch. I truly saw (perceived) myself exactly where I was. A woman who was well over 400 pounds and desperate to change.
(NOTE: Not who I was. . .but where I was)

What then, makes that same person make a decision to act on that perception? In other words, putting the rubber to the road on lifestyle change. There are so, so many ways to put the rubber to the road on this journey if change. What do you think "putting the rubber to the road" means in regards to lifestyle change for you? In what ways have you begun to put the rubber to the road? Do you think it is always related to fitness or food choices?

Thank you all for your faithfulness in reading the blog and especially for sharing your lives and experiences in the comments that you leave. I have had more positive responses about the comments that are left than even the blog itself! Have a wonderful weekend and remember one thing. . . y'all are the smartest people I know!!!

Julie's Journal

2009-07-23T12:02:00.000-04:00

Last June I talked Yarby Williams, one of our H.O.P.E. participants, into joining me for the Krueger Memorial Splash & Dash. The concept was beyond her scope of comprehension and comfort. She did not believe she could do it because at this time she was unable to walk a mile. With some training, encouragement, fellow H.O.P.E. participants and committed family members, Yarby decided she would sign up for the H.O.P.E. one miler. With me and her family beside her, and a lot of sweat and tears, Yarby completed the H.O.P.E. one miler portion of the Splash & Dash. At this point Yarby had been on her journey of Lifestyle Change for about 6 months.

Fast forward to yesterday. I went to visit Yarby in the hospital. She has lost 200 pounds to date and had some of the excess skin removed from her now much smaller frame. I asked her this year if she would participate in the H.O.P.E. one miler with me and here is her reply: "I am so thankful to be able to be a part of it this year. It will be so much easier now that I am able to do 3 miles."

Yarby's story is no different than all of ours during our journey of Lifestyle Change. One step at a time leads us to where we want to be. Walt Whitman said, "For what is the present, after all, but a growth out of the past." I truly agree with this quote. One baby step after another. My encouragement to those of you who are reading this BLOG is to take a "step" and challenge yourself- Come join us for the H.O.P.E. one miler on Saturday, August 15th at 8:30am. It will be an opportunity to join with others who embrace a healthy lifestyle. You can join us in a few ways: Sign up for the entire 1 mile, a portion of the mile or at the H.O.P.E. tent during the race. Here the website for more information and to sign up. You may also fill out the form and give it me.

http://www.ymcacharlotte.org/harris/programs/fitnesswellness/gkrr.aspx

To prepare for this event, we meet every Tuesday and Friday at the Harris YMCA track near the Teen Center at 9am. Come join us!

Practical Ponderings

2009-07-14T15:19:00.000-04:00

How about this for a practical fact. . . . .

Sleeping burns MORE calories than watching TV.

Now that IS a practical fact!! Here is the calculator to help figure the calories burned for different activities. http://www.lowfatweekly.com/calorie_burning_calculator.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I sat pondering the many practical things necessary for lasting lifestyle change, I kept asking myself 'what does 'practical' really mean for this journey and isn't it different for each person?" I looked up the actual definition of 'practical' on thefreedictionary.com, and here is what it said;

~acquired through practice or action, rather than theory, speculation, or ideals

~involving the simple basics

Wow! These definitions are extremely full of wisdom. How do these definitions resonate with you, right where you are on this journey of change?

What do you think connects it all together?

Have a healthy week. . . . . spirit, mind, body and emotions!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

2009-07-10T15:57:00.000-04:00

We had a great conversation yesterday in H.O.P.E. about the roots that we cultivate and nurture as we are on this journey of lifestyle change. A comment that really reminded me of my journey toward change, especially during the first year or so was as follows:

"My roots feel like they are wadded up and restricted with no room to grow, like some of the roots are choking the life out of everything else. I need room to breathe and grow and change."

We talk about how important it is to have roots on this journey. Strong deep roots. But what if those roots we are nurturing are strong, deep unhealthy roots? Then the fruit or leaves(behavior) we produce will be unhealthy also. Some of the unhealthy roots I struggled to pull up out of my life were shame, fear, isolation, rejection and rage just to name a few. They were choking the life out of the very plant they were intended to support and nurture. Just like the comment above, the rotten roots in my life were actually choking the life out of me. I was simply existing, over 400 pounds with very few relationships that were healthy, and was just about completely smothered in shame. My behavior was dictated by fear and rage and shame, so I ate. . . and ate. . . and ate. . . and ate!

I too needed room to breathe. . . and grow. . . and change. Remember, some of these sick roots can be very deep(from childhood) and can be very strong(lies or racket). How would you prune these unhealthy roots out? How would you find healthy seeds that would produce healthy roots? How can you nurture the new healthy seeds as they begin to take root in your life. These healthy roots will allow you to breathe. . . and grow. . .and change!

Hope to see you next week. Have a fun, safe and healthy weekend!

Individual Interview . . . and a little reminder

2009-07-01T15:23:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone. Could it get any hotter?? Oh yeah, it's just the start of July so the answer to that question is YES!! I missed group on Tuesday, but it was for a good reason. I was hiking a very big mountain in 20 degree cooler temperature and enjoying the place I feel the best around these parts. There is something about the mountains that brings me back to an even place. It has been a difficult several months, so a mental health day was in order and boy did it help. The hike I did was rated extraneous, 5 miles of serious uphill hiking, and I completed it! With some of the challenges I've had lately, I was not positive I could really do the whole thing because it is a very physical hike. . . and hard! It's amazing what completing a challenge can do for the soul. A great feeling of accomplishment just settled over me, and it reminds me that I can overcome the challenges that the Lord allows in my life. I am refreshed and ready to go.

This month our interview is with Eilene Sheppard. Enjoy and I wish you all a Happy Fourth of July!

Individual Interview

What is your name?
Eilene Sheppard

Who is your family and additional support system outside of H.O.P.E.?
My two daughters, Erin and Carol, and my son, Winston are on my support team, as well as many friends, one of whom has been my friend since 6th grade -- 38 years! I am so grateful for the many supportive friends, co-workers, partners in ministry, etc...that God has blessed me with.

How long have you been a H.O.P.E Participant?
I have been a regular H.O.P.E. participant at least 3 years, but did come sporadically the 1st year as I struggled to muster the courage to come into the room--sometimes just peering in from the lobby.

What is the most useful tool you have received in H.O.P.E. and why?
This is a tough question. How does one choose one most useful tool? The tool I believe I use the most is the tool of accepting and liking myself, just as I am, for the characteristics that God gave to me. Just today, I began to feel inadequate in a situation where I was moving slow. As I talked to myself, I was able to turn that whole thing around and ask why others were moving so fast!

What has been your greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. program?
My greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. program has been a deepened relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. Since I am divorced and my children are grown, I am alone much of the time and have to trust in HIM for my comfort. One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 54:5 My maker is my husband. The Lord Almighty is his name.
I have also been able to come to the difficult place of realization that I needed to change my employment to one that is more healthy for me. I have done that as well.

What has been your greatest challenge on your journey of lifestyle change?
Time management by far has been my greatest challenge. Prioritizing and keeping myself and the care of myself in my time schedule has been very difficult. I have to block off time to devote to myself, as if I have an appointment, or it simply will not happen. That includes blocking off time for grocery shopping instead of fast food runs.

What does the H.O.P.E. program mean to you personally?
I often tell others that H.O.P.E. is the best kept secret in Charlotte. H.O.P.E. has been a place of belonging for me, when there was no other place that I felt like I could be accepted. There is so much communication that is unspoken among the H.O.P.E. participants. I feel like we have all been in many of the same places emotionally, at some time or another.

Can you share some words of wisdom with others who are just beginning their journey of lifestyle change?
Establish ROOTS! Without the strong roots needed, the storms of life may blow you over or destroy you. Dig DEEP, and do the work necessary to have a strong root base, and the sprouts will be outward signs of healthy lifestyle change that will continue to grow.

Practical Pondering and Julie's Journal

2009-06-24T12:23:00.000-04:00

Hi Folks!

This week you get a BOGO (buy one, get one) post. As many of you know, I went on vacation and upon my return I came down with bronchitis and a sinus infection. As a result, there was no blog last week.

When I returned from Virginia I found a tick on Tana, my dog, and pulled it off of her. I knew there had to be more but was unable to find any. Sure enough about a week later I found a brown berry on my kitchen floor. Upon closer inspection it was not a berry but an overengorged tick that was unable to move itself since its legs couldn't reach the floor. That is how I feel in my body right now.

I am in the midst of a personal struggle that has to do with my health and my weight. I have some health issues that are being treated that have caused me to gain 29 pounds in the past 9 weeks. There are several reasons for this weight gain, none of which are related to overeating, unhealthy eating or lack of fitness. I truly have no control over my body. One thing I have learned is that I always have choices in every situation. Now they may not be great choices, but nonetheless I always have choices. I could bury myself in gallons of ice cream and cinnamon chip scones but then I would be completely discouraged and have 60 pounds to lose instead of 30. I could ignore the doctor's advice and try to find my own way through this challenge. Although I am feeling afraid, discouraged, mad, and frustrated, I am choosing to go back to the basics of what I know is healthy for my body. In order for my body to have a fighting chance in this health challenge, I must do everything I know to keep it healthy. That way my body can assist in its own healing process. While there is a temptation to choose the gallons of ice cream, I know from experience what will serve me better.

I hear all of the encouraging words that my support system shares with me but even though I hear it and understand it in my head, it is very hard for me to believe it as the truth in my heart. It is hard for me not to believe the racket that is screaming at me, "You loser. You are going to gain all of your weight back. What are you doing teaching a weight loss class when you can't keep your own weight off."

Life happens. Sometimes we truly have no control over circumstance in our lives but what we do control is how we respond to the situation. Back to the basics for me means doing what worked for me in the beginning of my journey when I was over 400 pounds:

1. Challenge the racket
2. Gather support and encouragement from the safe people in my life
3. Look for encouragement where ever I can find it
4. Drink lots and lots of water
5. Keep a food journal to ensure that I am being honest with myself about food intake
6. Continue fitness as I am able. If I am not able to walk, find an alternative
7. Always share my truth. If I try to hide it, it will cause shame.
8. Listen and believe the truth, which is that I have a health crisis that will get resolved and this is merely a bump in the road.

I will lose the 30 pounds
I will get back on track
I will be healthy again

What do you do when "life happens"? Can you share a life experience that relates to this and what your action was? What helps you stay on track through a challenge you have no control over?

Have a great week, ladies!

H.O.P.E. Highlight

2009-06-09T10:05:00.000-04:00

This week I wanted to highlight a quote that came out of group a few weeks ago and what really stirred me. I am very interested in knowing if it stirs you as well, and if so, in what way. The quote is as follows: "I don't want anyone to come in my house and see the clutter and mess inside, just like my weight keeps people from coming in and seeing inside me."
Wow! That is one power packed statement which reflects quite a bit of truth. It seems for me that when i could not use my voice and boundaries to keep people out of my space in an appropriate, healthy way, my weight certainly accomplished the same thing! A barrier to keep people out! The problem with creating a wall with my weight to keep people out is that I wall myself in with such unhealthy stuff.

I also think that the barrier of weight really doesn't keep people "out" at all. In fact, the more weight I gained, the less healthy boundaries I did have and the less I used my voice. The other thing that really resonates with me about that comment is that my "unhealth" ALWAYS translates into other areas of my life. Remember, we are made up of spirit, mind, body and emotions. I simply cannot be really unhealthy in one circle of my life and healthy in the other three circles of my life. Just not possible. That's why I think it is fairly important to look at all four circles as we approach health and wellness.

I would love to know what you think about this comment and how you see your lifestyle change impacting other areas of your life. Make it a great week!

Individual Interview . . . and a little reminder

2009-06-02T13:40:00.000-04:00

Last week our tool was to make a "Bucket List" about lifestyle change. Not just a list, but also why it is on our bucket list. This week we clarified what a bucket list is. One person said it represented goals, and another said dreams and hopes, and still another said it represented her, and who she is. All of the answers are correct. The goal of this exercise was so we can remember what it is we most want out of this journey. The bucket list in the movie represented all the things the man wanted to do, that he had never done, before his soon approaching death. For me, the bucket list represent why I work so hard at the emotional part of this journey, why I don't just stop and sit down, why I challenge the racket like I do, and why I work so diligently to keep shame out of my space. I want to remind myself of all the things that are important enough for me to keep pushing forward. It IS worth it. My bucket list changes from time to time, but what does not change is why I continue to move forward in lifestyle change. Maybe we all need to look at our bucket list monthly or so and revise it when necessary. It is a wonderful reminder of the joy that can come from this journey.

Our second individual interview is with K.T. Champion. It is interesting to see how different our journeys can be, yet still the same in many ways. Enjoy!

Individual Interview

What is your name?
KT Champion

Who is your family and additional support system outside of H.O.P.E.?
Husband Tim and 3 children Julie, Paul and Will
Workout partner, a few friends, Maggie, Meredith and Joan

How long have you been a H.O.P.E Participant?
4+ years

What is the most useful tool you have received in H.O.P.E. and why?
Eat less……move more. I believe that people have issues with weight and wellness for a variety of reasons. Just as we have different reasons for becoming overweight-different eating plans and exercises work for some and not others. No commercially available food plan has ever worked for me. I do pay attention to carbohydrates and portion sizes but I basically eat less and move more. I do try to say aloud if I am eating for emotional needs and I remind myself constantly that food is fuel for my body and that’s all it is. For me there has been no magic to this journey just a lot of hard work and changes in my self talk. Mindfulness with regard to food as well as exercises that include aerobics and strengthening have been keys to my success. I did start with water aerobics and then moved to “land” exercises. It has taken a lot more exercise (and a lot harder forms of exercise) than I envisioned for myself at the beginning of this journey. I guess I really picked two tools: 1. eat less, move more and 2.mindfulness. If I could pick a third it would be 3. “changing my self talk.”

What has been your greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. program?
I have lost 70 pounds and 80 inches but an even greater accomplishment is developing my ability to navigate this journey. Food choices, exercise, lifestyle change, health and wellness are subjects that will be with me forever. In the last 4 years I have experienced medication changes, surgeries, work schedule changes, sleep issues , a new diagnosis of complex PTSD and a new diagnosis of diabetes (after losing 50 pounds) that have challenged my journey negotiation skills.

What has been your greatest challenge on your journey of lifestyle change?
My greatest challenge has been learning to put myself first and to continue to juggle my ever changing schedule so that I can have the right amount of time for me.

What does the H.O.P.E. program mean to you personally?
The H.O.P.E program has changed my life in many areas by teaching me the tools needed to make the changes I have made in my life. I continue to come to H.O.P.E. because this is a journey with no prize, no finish line, and no magic weight at the end. Coming to the meetings is like a “booster shot” for me to help keep me on track and provide much needed support from safe people.

Can you share some words of wisdom with others who are just beginning their journey of lifestyle change?
“It is what it is.” I cannot change my genetic make up or my life experiences but I can choose to handle myself with gentleness and compassion. I can choose positive persistence in my continuing journey of lifestyle change.

Julie's Journal

2009-05-28T14:00:00.000-04:00

I had an opportunity last night that has never occurred as long as I have been doing this group. Only one person showed up for group. We had such a deep, honest and rich conversation about. . . shame. Imagine that! That word and what it implies comes up so often in private conversations with participants, in group meetings and even in Church.

If there was a word that was the opposite of "lasting lifestyle change", I believe it would be shame. I know you guys have heard this so often, but I think this is a topic we can not hear enough about. Shame is like a cancer that erodes our progress in lifestyle change. If we are not intentional about challenging the shame messages in our lives, then our behavior will reflect it. Nothing drives me to a good old eating frenzy like a good old shame message.

I think there are three steps to getting shame out of our healthy space. First, we cannot challenge what we do not know exists. We have to first identify that we have shame messages in order to challenge them and believe something else. Many of the messages come from our childhood, from trauma or from people currently in our lives. These shaming voices may be so ingrained that they are difficult to identify without honest reflection, support of safe people or even professional help. Folks, the best news of all, is that these shame messages are learned. You and I were not born full of shame feeling such contempt for ourselves! We learned that somewhere along the way, and boy did my unhealthy eating behaviors reflect it!

After we identify a shame message, then it becomes a choice. Do we choose to believe the shame or not. The second step in ridding shame from our lives is to actually choose not to believe the shame message, to challenge the racket. My unhealthy behaviors usually reflect that I have chosen to believe the racket of shame that is yelling in the background of my mind. Last night, the lone H.O.P.E. participant and I spent a good bit of time talking about the fact that it is a choice whether to believe it or not. I promise you that if we believe the shame, our behavior (unhealthy eating) will reflect our choice.

If we choose not to believe the shame message, then what will we believe? We have to believe something. Either the shame message or the truth message. We cannot just choose to not believe shame without consciously deciding what it is we will believe instead. Choosing to believe the truth is the third step in ridding the shame in our lives. For me, my "truth" message is found in the Word of the Living God. I am told that there is no condemnation(shame) in Christ and that I am free, free, free from shame. Yippee!! Free from shame? Is that even possible? I am here to tell you that it is not only possible, but it is the greatest freedom that in turn allows us to live out our lives in the way we choose to without fear of the shameful judgement of God, ourselves, or others. Now that is freedom!

Shame always attacks the core of who I am, my personhood, my self. Conviction is always about my behavior. If I behave in a way that I feel convicted about, then I can respond responsibly with no shame. What is your 'truth message"? Where do you get your "truth message" to refute the shame in your life. Do you believe it? Does your behavior reflect that you believe it? I would love to hear your thoughts on this cornerstone topic of lasting lifestyle change.

Until next week, healthy living to all!

Practical Ponderings

2009-05-20T14:28:00.000-04:00

This is the third week of our blog, which has been named "Practical Ponderings". I would like this week of the month to be where we talk about the practical things we do to make lifestyle change happen. Since we talk so much about the emotional piece of this journey, I wanted there to be a place where we can talk about how the "rubber meets the road" for each of us. Some of us love to walk, and we like Weight Watchers to show us how to eat. Some of us love to swim, and we do not like to subscribe to any point counting for our eating. Some of us hate exercise but count calories for our food intake. This journey is so individual, and looks different for each one of us, depending on our history, our health and our circumstances. I have found that as we share what works for us, it almost always helps someone else on their journey. Please share this week one of your favorite practical tips, whether it falls under the spirit, mind, body, as long as it relates to your journey of lifestyle change.

I'll start with one of my practical tips that always seems to serve me well. Water, water, water! The more water I drink, the better I feel and the more it facilitates health, wellness and weight loss. How about you, what is a tip that serves you well on this journey of lifestyle change?

H.O.P.E. Highlight

2009-05-14T14:55:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!

Welcome to our second consistent week with the blog! I know some of you were holding your breath, but here it is! The second Thursday of each month we will have what's called the H.O.P.E. Highlight which is simply a comment or idea that someone in group has shared, that I find particularly profound, inspirational or thought-provoking. I have decided to keep names out of the blog for obvious reasons of privacy, but feel free to claim the quote if it is yours and you would like to.

As usual, we have had some awesome discussions about what keeps us stuck in some pretty unhealthy behaviors. One of the things we have talked about recently is that fear is at the core if co-dependency. One participant commented that "fear is sneaky in my life, not as obvious as it used to be". Then another followed up saying "My fear is like a wolf in sheep's clothing". I found that statement to be oh so true for me also.

Can you identify the ways that your fear(which is at the CORE of co-dependency) appears like a wolf in sheep's clothing as you attempt lasting lifestyle change?

Individual Interview . . . and a little reminder

2009-05-07T13:46:00.000-04:00

Hi Everybody! Welcome back to the H.O.P.E. Blog where we can come together and meet each other anytime we like. I invite you to sign up so that you can make comments and keep the conversation going. I want this to be a place where we can all share our experience with lifestyle change openly and honestly. There are many ups and downs and all arounds on this journey, and what keeps us moving forward is support from other on the same journey and practicing the emotional strategies(tools) that we learn each week in group. Here's what you can expect each week.

First Thursday of Month - Individual Interview
Second Thursday of Month - H.O.P.E. Highlight
Third Thursday of Month - Practical Ponderings
Fourth Thursday of Month - Julie's Journal
Fifth Thursday of Month(if there is one) - Surprise??

Before we get started with our first individual interview, I was asked to post a reminder on the Blog today that is extremely important for all of us to remember. There are 7 measures of success on the journey of lasting lifestyle change. The scale counts as 1/7 of the equation. That leaves a whole lot more measures of success. In fact, I think there are many more than 7. Put on your thinking caps and let's see if we can come up with more than 10 and share them here. (Just a side note, but I remember when KT and I were working so hard in the gym preparing for some event, maybe the half marathon, and she was not loosing weight. She was making extremely healthy food choices and working out like a hound dog, but no weight loss. Well guess how many inches she was loosing?? Several a week and then after a month or two she began to loose body weight again. She lost over 60 inches total, including 10 around her waist alone!) Just an example of a measure of success.

On to our first interview with Yarby Williams and I'll be checking in to see the ongoing conversation and to leave my own comments as well. Enjoy ladies, this is your space.

Individual Interview

What is your name?
Yarby Williams

Who is your family and additional support system outside of H.O.P.E.?
My husband John and three grown daughters, four grandchildren age 4 and under, and 5th grandchild due the end of June, a professional counselor, and numerous praying friends

How long have you been a H.O.P.E Participant?
18 months

What is the most useful tool you have received in H.O.P.E. and why?
“Act as if” After learning much about the emotional aspect of overeating in the first three months I attended H.O.P.E., I began to put into practice the actual lifestyle journey change, although I didn’t really “feel like” doing it. I knew it was time, and decided to use this favorite tool and just act like I really wanted to do it and eventually I actually grew into really wanting to do it, to the glory of God and for myself, not for my mother or anyone else.

What has been your greatest accomplishment through the H.O.P.E. program?
I began Weight Watchers 14 1/2 months ago, and exercise a couple of months later, first walking and then swimming. I have now lost 177 pounds and am no longer just existing, but living life! I’m off most of my medications and feel so much better. I’m excited about losing 23 more pounds and staying close to goal for life.

What has been your greatest challenge on your journey of lifestyle change?
Finding middle ground instead of “all or nothing”. I once feared ever going off my “diet plan” but now I realize that this is a lifestyle change journey and not a diet and I can’t live in the “all or nothing” for life. If I don’t do just right one day, I can now move forward the next day, the next meal, without feeling like all is lost.

What does the H.O.P.E. program mean to you personally?
It has given me my life back, literally. I do believe I wouldn’t be alive today if I had not found hope through H.O.P.E.

Can you share some words of wisdom with others who are just beginning their journey of lifestyle change?
Ask for and give encouragement and prayer support. Work the program and let the program work for you. Learn and use the tools, even if it begins with “acting as if”. Take advantage of the support of others in the group and share openly with them and enjoy this journey of lifestyle change one day (and one meal) at a time.

A little of both maybe?

2008-11-06T11:13:00.000-05:00

After our lively discussion last night on discipline, we ended on a note of faith. It seems to me that discipline and faith kind of go hand in hand. A little discipline produces a little faith? When we walk in discipline, we are trusting that our goals will be reached, even though we cannot see them right away. Not sure I really understand how the two are connected, or if in fact one produces the other, but I do know this. . . they are connected and they are both extremely important qualities to embrace on lifestyle change. Probably my favorite quote that is not scriptural follows and I think that it speaks to this journey in every way.

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know
And are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid on which to stand
Or you will be taught to fly."

So fly on my fellow sojourners in lifestyle change, fly on. And remember, if you are not quite in the place of "knowing" one of two things will happen, then just trust. Trusting, in a nutshell, is the faith! Have a great week!

Hard Times

2008-09-26T14:08:00.000-04:00

OK, so the nugget this week was titled "Getting through hard times". Many times in group I have mentioned that God gives us what we need when we need it. Well this week was no different. That nugget came just in time for me. I left group this week and found myself driving around looking for gas since I was on an eighth of a tank. I looked at 9 gas stations on the way to a Dr.'s appointment and each one had those bags over the handles indicating "NO GAS". As each of the stations left me high and dry, the fear began to mount. Well, Tuesday passed and by Wednesday, I was wondering what in the world I was going to do. I was in a serious spiral of fear, doubt and frustration. By Thursday, I had already decided that I was going to be found dead in my Condo, because I was going to be trapped and stranded due to the fact that there was no gas left in the entire world. OK, that may be a slight exaggeration, but not too much of one. I really was thinking in a panicky way, and full of fear. Now let me get back to the nugget this week. And I "We can use the feelings during a hard time to fine-tune our skills and our relationship with God OR we can go through these situations suffering, and storing up bitterness. THE CHOICE IS OURS" Now come on. . . .how many times in a week do I say choice, choice, choice! Ouch! It hit me like a ton of bricks on Thursday morning that I was actually making a choice to ride the downward spiral I was in. Can I say Ouch one more time. So I did make a choice. A choice to stop. I focused on THE truth, not what the media was telling me, not what my irrational fears were telling me and not what the mayor was telling me. THE truth says that I serve the Living God Who provides for ALL my needs. Period. Not if there is gas, not if I have cash and not if God is in the mood to help. It is a non-negotiable promise straight from God's heart to my ear. There are no conditions on that promise. So I can be absolutely sure that my God WILL supply ALL my needs. . . Oh how powerful that promise is. The fear level dropped off the radar. I began to feel strong and assured that no matter what the state of my city, my nation and my world is, that my Father will meet my needs, whatever they are. What a relief. What a relief! If you find yourself spiraling out of control in a hard situation, and your emotions are all over the map, my encouragement to you is to just stop. Stop and reflect on what your truth is, not someone else's. Stop and reflect on the tools that you have gathered along the journey of lifestyle change. Stop and make the choice to learn from the situation and grow.

Gentle reminder

2008-09-11T13:56:00.000-04:00

OK, so I have not been too good about keeping up with weekly bolgs. I apologize for that. I have had quite a bit on my plate in the past several months, but today I got a gentle reminder of why we are so committed to this program, why it is important to blog and why this journey has introduced me to the smartes people I know! Following is a letter I received today from a H.O.P.E. group member from several years ago. Please read this letter, and then let me know how her letter resonates with you on your journey toward lifestyle change.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for your work with the H.O.P.E. group. It’s been years since I’ve sat in on a group, but so much of what I learned from you and my peers continues to stay with me. Aside from the amazing tools imparted, one of the most healing things was to see myself reflected in those who appeared to be so unlike me. How wonderful to be given the space and permission to open up and share my pain with people who could actually understand. How wonderful to learn I wasn’t the only one suffering from either/or mentality. I wasn’t the only one hell bent on carrying someone else’s duffel bag of rocks, when I never even learned how to handle my own knapsack. When I walked in and sat in the circle for the first time, I was nervous. Once again I had thrust myself in a situation where I was the anomaly. The lone young brown girl. I had no idea how much of myself I would find in those sitting beside me. “You mean to tell me I’m not the only one who deals with pain in this way? I’m not the only one who was taught that the needs of others were more important than my own. I wasn’t the only one taught to feel ashamed at any attempt to care for self first?” The implication was astounding! “You mean to tell me … I’m really not alone? Egads!!”

All joking aside, I think this may have been the planting of the seeds of an even greater, larger lesson for me. For I am still overweight. I still do things that are not in my best interest sometimes. But with far less frequency, and greater awareness. In the meantime I have learned that my pain is not simply my own. It is the same pain that is found in the heart of everyone who has ever experienced loss, grief, or disappointment. It is the shared pain of humanity and it does not define or limit any of us any more than we allow it to. I don’t need to be perfect to make a difference in my world. I can be a size 22 and walk clear, strong, and free in the truth of my heart. I can take baby steps on the road to healthier living in every area of my life. I can forgive myself when I stumble. I can greet my mistakes with compassion and kindness instead of judgment and blame.

At this moment, I am in the midst of the most tremendous leap of faith of my life. The lessons are deep and rich. Everyday, the garden that grows inside my hula hoop becomes richer, healthier, and lusher. I enjoy the beauty of the flowers planted in a room, at a Y in Charlotte, NC, where no one “looked like me”. There I began to learn that my journey is not my own. I walk it in the most wonderful company imaginable. A room full of beautiful souls who have made the courageous decision to finally give themselves the love and kindness they have always deserved. I love you. I honor you. I celebrate you.

Deepest Love & Gratitude,

Ratasha

Saying that little word. . . .

2008-07-31T15:48:00.000-04:00

OK, so we have had some lively discussions this week on the difficulty of saying "no". I have really pondered that question. Why do so many of us find it so hard to just say no when that is what we mean? Could it be that the answer is tied up in our view of ourselves? The more we value ourselves, the more likely we are to say no when we need to. The less self esteem or worth we think we have, the less likely we are to say no when we need to. The thing about shame and low self worth is that it permeates EVERYTHING in our lives. When we do not value ourselves at all, we become desperate to get that "value" or approval from outside of us - from others. Now of course it is not possible to get self worth any place other than self, hence the name self-worth! But we certainly try and saying a simple no might make them mad at us or even not like us. Most likely not the truth, but we are too afraid to say no, when that is what we really need. How can we begin to say no if we never have and we're afraid to? First, like anything we have never done before, we have to take our fear with us and just do it the first time. Bet when I first rode my bike I was scared. Bet when I first swam I was scared too. I practiced saying no on the telemarketers. They were great for arguing about how much I needed something and I would just say no however many times it took! Secondly, we must begin to challenge the shame message. It really does permeate all aspects of life and until that message can be replaced with a healthier one, we will be doomed to unhealthy repetitive behaviors. For me, my faith and belief in what God says about who and what I am began to replace the unhealthy shameful message I believed for so long. If you can challenge yourself on these two aspects of lifestyle change, taking the fear with you as you just say no and identifying unhealthy messages (racket), then saying no will get easier and easier!

Freedom

2008-07-01T14:41:00.000-04:00

I started thinking what that word really means to me. Freedom from what? What am I actually free from? To answer that question I think I have to start with the opposite of freedom. That would be imprisonment or bondage. Oh yes, now it's becoming clearer. Freedom to me means freedom from bondage. Freedom from the heavy bondage of weight. Freedom from the awful bondage of shame. Freedom from the endless bondage of worrying about what others think of me. And all of this leads me to rejoice in the freedoms I have experienced. After loosing over 240 pounds, I have the freedom to move about this world in a body that allows me to. Freedom to walk marathons, to hike mountains and to whitewater raft! After working through the pain of my childhood abuse, I have the freedom to make healthy choices for myself without the bondage of unhealthy filters driving my behavior. Freedom to get clean and sober, to stand up for myself and to not eat food in an unhealthy way. After learning how to feel all of my emotions without numbing them with food or substances, I now have the freedom to cry when something hurts and laugh when something is funny. After learning how to take care of the child within, I have the freedom to behave as an adult and to meet my needs in a healthy way. Freedom to make choices that are mine to make! How did I go from such bondage to true freedom you ask? That freedom has been found in a relationship with Jesus. Before I knew Jesus personally, I thought I had all the freedoms in the world. I could eat whatever I wanted and as much of it as I wanted. I could drink as much alcohol as I wanted and I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. I have never been in more serious bondage than those years. All the food led to morbid obesity. All the alcohol led to a drinking problem and my "free" behavior led to dangerous situations. It was only when I came into a real-life relationship with Jesus was that bondage broken. I was led out of it one step at a time. Freedom, sweet freedom! Happy 4th of July!

You will know Me by my creation!

2007-09-26T14:19:00.000-04:00

Where my spirit leaps

2007-09-26T14:15:00.000-04:00

I just have to say that I have had a love affair with the state of Montana for many, many years. I have been here to visit several times, and it is where my spirit feels most alive on the whole planet. I'm not sure why, except for the fact that I feel closer to God here more than anywhere else on the planet too. Maybe the two go hand in hand?

Hiking in Montana is not for sissies

2007-09-26T14:10:00.000-04:00

This was our last day in Glacier and we made our time count with a short 5 mile hike straight up! Matter of fact, we were milling around with the mountain goats! This was half of the way up. Much better weather this day.

Snowcones anyone?

2007-09-26T14:00:00.000-04:00

This was the hardest thing I have ever done physically. Ever. Even harder than the race we did 4 days prior. We hiked 10 miles up into Glacier National Park to a place called Iceberg Lake. The entire hike which took over 7 hours hosted absolutely spectacular views the entire hike. There were signs of grizzly bears all around, none of which we saw here. About half of the way up, it began to rain and very cold rain, and began to snow on the peaks right above us. I was in shorts and a light jacket. Note to self. . .check the weather on the peaks when you go on a 10 mile hike in Glacier. Beth is sporting the ranger's coat because of her lack of preparation also. This hike showed me I could get myself off a mountain when I absolutely have to. Great for building those determination muscles!

Are you kidding? Ride a what?

2007-09-26T13:54:00.000-04:00

Well now this is a first, that's for sure. As we were walking up to the stables to mount our horses and ride through God's country, the backwoods of Montana, my heart was beating so hard I nearly choked on it. The last time I was on a horse, I was 8 years old and was bucked off. Hornery creature. I have finally learned how to just take the fear with me and do whatever it is I am afraid of. Once I was on and learned how to work with my horse, it was the most fun and greatest thing I ever did! I LOVE horseback riding. This was the first of many, many times to come. The lesson is, fear can certainly control your life if you allow it. I, for one, am choosing not to allow it anymore!! Sweet victory again!

Flathead River

2007-09-26T13:48:00.000-04:00

Oh those Montana whitewater rapids! And yes, helmets are necessary! Now that the marathon was behind us, it was time to have a few days of fun and relaxation. Some would question the relaxation part. I remember when I was over 400 pounds watching some people whitewater raft, and I was so envious that there were people who actually got to do things like that. Finally, I AM one of those people, who can now be fully engaged in life, however I choose to be. Oh what sweet victory it is.

Almost last place

2007-09-26T12:44:00.001-04:00

I am disappointed to say that I finished second to last place. I REALLY wanted to take last place. My friend Beth and I thought this would be a perfect title for a book. . ."Last place in the marathon. . .First place in life!" Oh well, maybe I can take home last place in my next marathon. . wait. . .didn't I say I wouldn't train for anymore of these events? Oh that's right, I am a woman, entitled to change my mind!! We crossed the finish line without too much trouble, although it was the most difficult race I've ever done, mostly because of smoke and hills. I was profoundly proud of receiving this medal.

Anticipation

2007-09-26T12:22:00.000-04:00

After all the things that nearly shut this trip down, we were finally at the starting line of the Grizzly Marathon at 6:00 a.m. with a warning that this was the time of day the Grizzly bears feed, so watch out for them! OK, uh, right. We'll watch for them. The smoke in the air was as thick as my anticipation and apprehension. I knew my 6 months of training and raw determination and dependence on God would certainly be a match for the smoke and the hills!